Career Success – Ask a Wharton MBA

Find, Excel, and Enjoy your careers – Work Smart | Achieve More

How to ask someone to be your mentor?

Posted on | April 21, 2011

All of us need mentors to help us grow and learn.  How to ask someone to be your mentor can be daunting.  Half of the battle is actually making sure you don’t chicken out and decide not to do it because of xyz. People are usually flattered if they are asked to be a mentor. There are many ways to do it. Here are some DOs and DONTs that may help.

DOs

  • Communicate what you respect about him/her – it shows that you know why you would like them to be a mentor.   Genuine praise also goes a long way.  Try to find “deep” reasons that demonstrate you really thought about this instead of shallow ones.  An example of a deep reason might be I really respect how you handle work life balance while still holding such a senior position.  An example of a shallow reason would be I want you to be my mentor because you are successful.
  • Communicate your situation and how their mentorship can help – People become mentors because they are inspired by the passion and potential of those they mentor.  So share where you are headed with your life and career and why their experience/advice can help.
  • Actually ask the question – Would you consider being my mentor? ¬– some people shy away from the question and can leave the other person confused.  If the person is a stranger, perhaps start with just coffee instead of outright ask the question.  People only become mentors when there is personal rapport and mutual respect.   So first ask to see if you can meet or call them once and then see if you can build rapport with them.  You also don’t want someone to be your mentor just because they have cool experience.  You want to inspire them to care about where you are headed.
  • Communicate what type of mentor relationship you are looking for - This includes both the type of advice/feedback you are hoping to receive and how often you hope to interact (one a quarter, every month, ad-hoc, etc…). Many people are happy to be mentors but are also very busy people.  Articulating clearly what kind of relationship you want to build help them decide.
  • Listen and adapt to their response – Very likely this person will be happy to be your mentor but may counter with frequency of communication. Just go with it.
  • Follow up – it”s up to you to make it easy for your mentor to help you. If this person agrees to be your mentor, he or she would still expect you to take the lead, figure how best to communicate and proactive build the relationship over time.

DONTs

  • Don’t expect a YES response and don’t take it personally. You would have given your best shot. If the person cannot fit it in their schedule, then it won’t work anyway. Just think of it as practice, so one day you can ask Donald Trump or Marissa Mayers to be your mentor
  • Don’t assume what’s convenient for them. Everyone works and interacts differently. Ask them the best way to keep in touch, approach them when you need advice, and then follow what they say
  • Don’t wait too long before asking. Timing will help your cause. If you just recently worked with them, then ask them soon if you want them to be your mentor.  This way, they still have a strong impression of who you are.

If you would like more help with finding mentors and your career success, sign up for our free newsletter – How to Succeed like an Executive – tip and insights on how to develop skills to accelerate your success (not published on the blog)

Good luck out there!  I am always in your corner

Lei

9 comments

Category: finding mentors
Tags: > > >

Comments

9 Responses to “How to ask someone to be your mentor?”

  1. leslie
    November 4th, 2011 @ 6:22 am

    thank you for this! I have recently requested a PR VP to be mine, off the strength of this article, we will see how that goes so standby!! 8*)

  2. Lei Han
    November 4th, 2011 @ 5:40 pm

    So glad to hear this article helped Leslie. Let me know how it goes.

  3. R Grant
    August 15th, 2012 @ 12:19 pm

    I would like to start by saying that this article contains really good tips on asking someone to be your mentor. However, the article is riddled with poor grammar and punctuation.

    I had copied the information for one of my classes, but quickly realized that I had to go back and correct many of the mistakes.

    For example, the last sentence of the second DONT, ” and then follow what they say”. The first letter in the sentence isn’t capitalized and their is no punctuation.

    It’s hard to believe you have the education listed in you bio and you would write an article of this quality.

  4. Lei Han
    August 15th, 2012 @ 1:30 pm

    I am glad the article is helpful. That is my only goal and priority with this blog. I have a full time job, two kids, and I write these articles on this blog and in my newsletter in my free time. I either can strive to be perfect and write less posts or none at all and help less people or I can write more posts and not worry so much about small issues like grammar mistakes as long as my advice still helps. I consciously choose the latter.

    It sounds like my advice still came across and that’s good enough for me. I think part of being an executive is knowing how to prioritize and what is important.

    I am happy to receive help from anyone who wants to edit my articles and share with me their suggested corrections.

    Lei

  5. Gwen
    September 3rd, 2012 @ 4:22 pm

    Hi, I enjoyed reading your article and it has given me courage to look for and approach a mentor. Wat I did wonder was wat are the boundaries as to how high up the heirachy one can go in chosing their mentor. And does having an influential mentor eg, ur team leaders boss or the operation managers boss not get considered as favouritism shld u get promoted.

    Gwen

  6. Ashley
    September 30th, 2012 @ 11:06 pm

    Wonderful. I appreciate this article greatly. Will you be my mentor Lei?? ;D

  7. Lei Han
    October 16th, 2012 @ 2:15 pm

    Ashley,

    Glad my article helped. I think the best mentors are the ones you personally know a little and those who know/care about you.

    I wish I have time to be many people’s mentors but unfortunately I don’t. This is why I created the website to help people even if I can’t do it one-on-one personally.

    Best wishes,
    Lei

  8. peelc
    May 3rd, 2013 @ 7:15 am

    R. Grant-
    Don’t be so mean. Your spelling isn’t up to snuff either; e.g. “The first letter in the sentence isn’t capitalized and their is no punctuation.”
    It should be “The first letter in the sentence isn’t capitalized and THERE is no punctuation.”

  9. Eszter
    May 13th, 2013 @ 10:28 am

    There’s a saying in Hungarian: “Rabbit shoots the hunter” – for people who criticize others and making worse errors.
    Dear Grant: the first letter did not need to be capitalized as it was not starting a new sentence, but following a comma.
    And yes, making such a blatant mistake as confusing their and there… sorry Grant, but that IS an indication of sub-par education.
    And you made another error: “It’s hard to believe you have the education listed in YOU bio…” How about “your bio”.
    It’s hard to believe you have any education.. ;) )
    Manners, you don’t…

Leave a Reply





  • Subscribe to RSS Feed

     Subscribe in a reader

  • Lei Han - Career Coach

     Stanford engineer and  Wharton MBA |  Business / marketing  executive with 15 years of corporate experience | Mentored 100+ professionals | Screened / interviewed hundreds of candidates | Connect with me 

  • Write for Us

    Want to write a Guest Post? Click here to find out more

  • Job Search Resources

    Free Resume Template

    Insider Guide - How to Create an Outstanding Resume

    Ultimate Guide to Job Interview Answers

  • Find Us on Facebook

  • Admin


    • Hit Counter provided by Cheap Seo Packages