Interpersonal skills Archives - Soft Skills

How to Build Social Wealth to Achieve Lasting Happiness

by Lei Han

When we talk about wealth, social wealth, depth of our connections to others, is often the most overlooked type. We take for granted that when we’re young, we’re surrounded by classmates, teammates, and family. But as life gets busier, friendships become harder to maintain. We forget how essential social wealth really is. You can have money, health, time, even inner peace—but if you’re alone, life will still feel empty. In fact, research shows that social isolation shortens life spans and makes us less happy. ... read more

Do Nice Guys Have an Advantage or a Disadvantage at Work?

by Lei Han

I was amazed that there was a Wikipedia entry for the term “nice guy.” It focused however mostly on how nice guys fare in dating and relationships. This article is about whether nice guys have an advantage or a disadvantage in the work place.

Being a Nice Guy or Gal at Work can be an Advantage

I would argue that nice guys and gals at work in the long run can be an advantage. This advantage highly depends on how you are being nice though. I would argue being generally liked by many in the office from admin assistants to executives is a strength and an advantage in your career. It can broaden your influence skills in the long run. You never know who you are nice to in the hallway or out in social gathering at work that actually turn out to be helpful or powerful later on in your work. On the other hand, being nice even when co-workers or leaders are pushing you around is to be absolutely avoided. ... read more

First 90 days of a New Job – Strive to Achieve These Five Goals

by Lei Han

8 years ago, I wrote this post – Starting a New Job – 6 tips for your first 90 Days. All of the tips still apply. I want to add to it with more details

What should be your goals for the first 90 days – focus of this post
How to ramp up quickly – I came up with a 4C framework to help you remember all the areas you should learn about in your first 90 days – I will write this post in a week

As long as you have a “white collar” job, I believe these goals would apply. I just started a new job at a new company a week ago, and they also apply to me. After working 4 jobs over 10 years at a major bank, I decided to move to smaller company where I have broader role in a more fast paced setting. I will tell you more about my move across a few posts in the coming month. ... read more

Interpersonal Skills Example – Can You Let It Go?

by Lei Han

This interpersonal skills example can happen any day at work or in life. It was our second day in Beijing. My cousin, my mom, and Isabel went to visit Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. It was majestic, fun, but a super long walk. By 1pm, we were all exhausted, hungry and decided to Uber back to the hotel.

Yes, there was Uber in China and very reasonably priced. 🙂 My cousin requested one on her phone. After 10 min, he was still not there, so she called the driver only to find out that he was on the wrong side of the road. The driver asked us to cross the road to meet him. It wasn’t feasible as we were far away from any cross walk and it was about 8 lanes across, illegal and unsafe to jaywalk across. We asked him to circle to pick us up where we originally said.

Another 15 minutes went by, he finally picked us up. As soon as we got into the car, the driver started complaining, how difficult it was to pick us up, what a tough day he has had, and how badly the uber app sucked. I was going to say something as it was inappropriate for him to unleash his irritation on us. We were in the right.

We patiently waited for him for 25 minutes.

He was clearly lost and didn’t know his way which was why it took him so long.

We didn’t cancel on him even though we could have to opt for a cab instead.

My cousin was also feeling stressed as she knew my mom was tired.

Interpersonal Skills Example: Maybe It’s a Misunderstanding?

by Lei Han

An interpersonal skills example can turn up when it’s least expected. It was the second week of my China trip. My mom, cousin, daughter and I had spent the day at the Beijing Zoo. It was a 90 degree, humid day in Beijing. We were all exhausted and were heading back to the hotel to rest up.

Just before getting to our hotel room, I told my mom something. She replied sharply. I replied sharply back and tried to explain. She said more sharp words and abruptly went to her room. I was baffled and upset. It was an awful conclusion to an otherwise awesome day.

Later, I spoke to my cousin who was with us during this exchange. She said that it was just a misunderstanding since we were both tired.

I am being intentionally vague about the details of our exchange for two reasons. First, I don’t remember the details, only how we felt afterwards. Second, you only need four simple facts to understand today’s interpersonal skills example:

I said something in a very matter-of-fact way to my mom.
My mom was tired, took it to mean something else, and questioned me sharply.
I was tired and escalated it by responding defensively.
She was more upset by my tone than by what I said.

How Does This Interpersonal Skills Example Apply to the Workplace? ... read more

Interpersonal Skills Example: How to Disagree with “The Boss”

by Lei Han

My cousin in China has been running a travel agency for 20 years. She’s one of those people who knows exactly how to maintain good relationships. During my trip to China, I learned one interpersonal skills example after another from her.

First, some background: my oldest daughter and I visited our extended family in China together for the first time two months ago. My parents decided to come, too, since grandpa turns 90 this year. It was a four-generation family reunion! While the following examples are all related to my family trip, they also apply to the work place.

Here is the first interpersonal skills example from my trip, my lessons learned, and how they apply at work.

Interpersonal Skills Example #1: Disagreeing with “The Boss”

I’m a lazy traveler who doesn’t like following a strict schedule. My dad, on the other hand, loves planning a full schedule. This trip was no exception. On day 1, we were already arguing about a side trip he wanted to plan. He wanted to visit the country side area where I grew up as a child. The idea, while nostalgic, had horrendous logistics. I immediately said no to his idea and explained why.

The drive would take 4-5 hours each way.

The drive to the countryside is not exactly luxurious; it’s not easy to find bathrooms along the way.

The trip would have been taxing on Isabel, my mom, and myself.

Real World Examples of Interpersonal Communication Skills

by Lei Han

Interpersonal communication isn’t an exact science that can be solved with a math equation or with a formula. Interpersonal skills are complicated as they depend on the context of the situation, social cues and the personal experience of those involved. With so many different signals that can influence your communication, it’s important to have a tangible understanding of what good interpersonal communication entails. Once you can master interpersonal communication, you will benefit both personally and professionally.

Here’s why and how interpersonal skills can augment your work life, with some examples to follow.

Interpersonal skills are a competitive advantage: As person-to-person communication becomes more digital, employers will favor workers that have the ability to communicate effectively with anyone in the work place (e.g., colleagues, superiors, and team members).