Three Unexpected Benefits from “Talking to the Duck”

by Lei Han

In my role as the Digital Experience Strategy leader, I started working with a lot of new partners this year. At first, I spent hours explaining the context of the work ahead, sharing the intricacies of what we can do next together, and trying to align everyone on the vision. It was exhausting, and it felt like I was rehashing the same information over and over. But one day, about six months ago, something shifted. I was venting my frustration to a partner, saying how tiring it was to repeat myself, when they stopped me and said, “You know, there are benefits to ‘talking to the duck.’” The phrase made me pause. “Talking to the duck” is a playful reference to saying things out loud to get clarity. It turns out this approach with my partners has three unexpected benefits that go beyond simple updates. Here’s what I learned:

1. Getting My Partners Truly Up to Speed

When I take the time to explain the context of the work ahead, what we can do next together, and share my thoughts on challenges, my partners gradually start to see the whole picture. Yes, it can feel repetitive, but the process of “talking to the duck” builds a foundational understanding that goes deeper than a one-time briefing. My partners begin to connect the dots for themselves, anticipate what’s needed, and can even make informed decisions without waiting for me to spell things out each time. This understanding means they can proactively suggest solutions or spot potential issues sooner. ... read more

How to Work Smart – Take Action, Self-Promote, and Network

by Lei Han

Success is about working smart instead of working hard. This is not a new concept. I wrote about it back in 2010 when I first started this blog. I talked about my learning at my first job at McKinsey – how I learned the hard way that hard work didn’t guarantee success.

What Does Work Smart Mean?

There seems to be a lot of definitions out there. ... read more

What NOT to Do on LinkedIn – Three Key Tips

by Lei Han

Something weird happened to me on LinkedIn over the weekend. I thought I share to help remind both you and I of what NOT to do on LinkedIn. This really happened just two days ago.

Here is the backstory

I get a lot of requests to connect on LinkedIn, some from folks I know but many from folks I don’t know at all. A month ago, I accepted an invite from someone I thought my husband mentioned I should meet. Let’s call him Paul. ... read more

Why, What, and How to Network for Your Career – 35 min Coaching Call

by Lei Han

Do you know how to motivate yourself to network when you don’t need a new job? Do you know why you should network? Do you know what does it mean to network for your career? Do you know how to network with inside and outside your company? Do you how to network with senior leaders? If you have any of these questions, then this 35 min recorded coaching call will help you. ... read more

How to Ask Someone to be Your Mentor – Dos and Donts

by Lei Han

I am republishing this article with new content as my learning on how to ask someone to be your mentor has evolved. 🙂 Hope you will find it useful.

We all need formal and informal mentors to help us grow and learn. Young professionals have more of a need for formal mentors. Seasoned professionals needs more a broader network, but not necessarily formal mentors. It’s more helpful to have “Board of Advisors,” a group of people you know and can go to for specific advice.

For younger professionals, asking someone to be your mentor can be daunting. Half of the battle is actually making sure you don’t chicken out and decide not to do it because of xyz. Even though it can be scary to ask someone to take on this role, remember that people are usually flattered if they are asked to help you guide your career. There are many ways for young professionals to ask someone to be your mentor. Here are some dos and don’ts that may help:

Do…

Communicate what you respect about him/her – It shows that you know why you would like them to be your mentor. Genuine praise also goes a long way. Try to find “deep” reasons that demonstrate that you’ve really thought about this, instead of shallow ones. A deep reason could be something like this: “I really respect how you handle work life balance while holding such a senior position.” A shallow reason sounds like this: “I want you to be my mentor because you are successful.”

Communicate your situation and how their mentorship can help – People become mentors because they are inspired by the passion and potential of those they mentor. Share where you are headed with your life and career, and why their experience/advice can help.

Actually ask the question – “Would you consider being my mentor?” – Some people shy away from the question and can leave the other person confused. If the person is a stranger, perhaps start with coffee instead of asking the question outright. People only become mentors when there is personal rapport and mutual respect. First ask to see if you can meet or call them once, and then see if you can build rapport with them. You also don’t want someone to be your mentor just because they have cool experience. You want to inspire them to care about where you are headed.

Communicate what type of mentor relationship you are looking for – This includes both the type of advice/feedback you are hoping to receive, and how often you hope to interact (once a quarter, every month, ad-hoc, etc…). Many people are happy to be mentors, but are also very busy people. Clearly articulating what kind of relationship you want to build with them will help them decide if they want to take this on.

Listen and adapt to their response – Very likely this person will be happy to be your mentor, but may counter about the frequency of communication. Just go with it. If they say no, don’t be offended, People are very busy. You can then see if they would just be open to you reaching out for advice again. Sometimes people feel pressured to agree to a “formal mentor” role. This doesn’t mean they do not ever want to meet with you again. They just cannot commit. Respect their decision. As long as they agree to meet again, they are actually still informal “mentors” to you. Be thankful.

Follow up – It’s up to you to make it easy for others to help you. If this person agrees to be your mentor, he or she would still expect you to take the lead, figure out how best to communicate, and proactively build the relationship over time. If this person didn’t agree to be your “formal” mentor, but agreed to you contacting them in the future for specific advice, then it’s up to you to be proactive and arrange that next coffee or call and be specific. Share what advice you need and why you think they can help you.

Career Success – When Is the Best Time to Network

by Lei Han

Many of us only remember to start networking when we hate our current job or when we are between jobs. Unfortunately that is the worst time to start networking. You can come across

Negative – If you are hating your job. It’s inevitably you will complain about it while networking. No one likes to be around complainers

Desperate – if you are looking for a job, you may very well be in a “rush to network.” That will come across needy. You will be too focused on finding a job and getting someone to do something for you vs. just getting to know people and letting them get to know you.

Pushy – You are likely more on a timeline.. You may start “stalking” people (eg., follow up too often) so you can “network” to get what you need (a connect, a job opportunity, etc..)

How to Network Effectively – A Simple Framework to Take Action

by Lei Han

When I wrote about How to Network without Using Small Talk , I received a lot of email responses and interest. I am not surprised to hear that most found networking uncomfortable. I am glad to hear these networking articles are making it a little less intimidating. I wanted to continue on this journey with you and demystify how to network effectively.

Believe it or not, networking isn’t always natural for me either. Why? Because by definition networking is about building a new relationship with a stranger or having to ask someone to help you in some way. Neither of which is easy to do. The underlying worry or fear we all have is rejection. What if they don’t want to connect with me? What if I am being too pushy? What if they don’t think I am qualified? What if they don’t respond? The list can go on.

The way I overcome my fear and still take action is by following a framework. I was trained as an Engineer, so following a systematic process and structure helps me detach my emotions from the work and grounds me in action. I hope my P.R.S.P. framework can also help you take action and learn how to network effectively. 🙂

P – Perspective: Have a realistic perspective about networking: Rejection is only experienced if you have the perspective that 100% of your networking effort must yield results and that if they don’t, it’s somehow your fault. That can be a real blow to the ego, but this is not a realistic perspective. People are busy, forgetful and emails can end up in spam. All could be reasons for someone to not respond to your networking request or follow through. Many other things in life can be happening to them to cause them not to connect with you or help you even when you ask. Having the perspective that sometimes networking may not lead to anything will eliminate unrealistic expectations.

I like to use the baseball analogy. If a batting average of 0.333 (33%) is great in baseball, perhaps we can use the same metric for networking. Expect only a third of your networking effort to lead to something meaningful and appreciate that the other two thirds of your effort as what is needed to be in the networking game. With this perspective, you can appreciate all your efforts to network even when they are not fruitful. 🙂 After all, if you don’t network at all, you are guaranteeing a batting average of 0% and denying yourself the chance to connect with some great people

R – Reason: Communicate the reason they should want to connect with you or help you.: Many people like to launch into networking immediately with what they want out of it. I still remember the first week at Wharton when a fellow classmate came up to me and started peppering me with questions about McKinsey – how I liked it, how to get in, etc… I remembered physically stepping back from her and politely cutting our conversation short. Why? because I didn’t really know who she was. Networking is about building relationship, where people can relate to you. I know she is a fellow classmate but she didn’t give me a reason why I should talk to her at that moment. If she has simply said, “Hey Lei, I’m xxx. I heard you worked at McKinsey for 2 years. I am really interested in working there and would love to learn from you. Can we talk sometime about it?” I would have probably said yes and told her when it was good for me to chat. She gave me two reasons to talk to her: 1) She told me she wanted to learn from my McKinsey experience. 2) she respected my time and gave me the courtesy of deciding when it worked for me.” As you can see, the reasons have to be said even if they are obvious so the other person can feel related and value by you and they know why you are approaching them.

S – Specificity: Be specific about what you want from a networking exchange: A recruiter told me this advice recently and I found it to be so true and simple to follow. He said he is surprised how many people are so vague when they network in job search. An example is “I am very interested in this area of your company. Here is my resume. Please let me know if you come across any opportunities that may interest me.” What wrong with this request? Three problems: a) Open ended and outside their control. You don’t know if you don’t hear back whether there was no job of interest or the person had no time to look for you. b) Puts all the work on the other person. It’s not their responsibility to find you a job. They can at best pass you a job if they happen to come across it. c) Makes it easy for the other person to say “I didn’t come across anything yet” when you follow up.

On the other hand, being specific means

You have to do most of the leg work (in this example, research job openings, linkedin profiles and connections etc..)

Ask your contact to do something that is specific, within their control, and won’t take huge efforts (e.g., write an email to introduce you to someone, refer you for a job opening you found in her company, agree to meet you for an info interview).