Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how it’s possible to feel two completely opposite emotions at the same time. As the parent of an 18-year-old entering adulthood, I’ve discovered that pride and heartbreak can exist side by side.
My daughter turned 18 in May and graduated from high school. She is standing at the edge of adulthood—excited for college, independence, and the life waiting ahead of her.
Part of me looks at her and feels enormous admiration for the person she is becoming. Over the past few years, I’ve watched her challenge herself with difficult classes and discover that perseverance often matters more than talent. In just the last 18 months, she found a path that genuinely excites her—graphic design—not because someone else chose it for her, but because she thoughtfully explored who she is and what she wants. She has also surrounded herself with kind, ambitious friends who encourage one another to grow.
During our recent mother-daughter trip to Taiwan and China, I saw those same qualities in a completely different setting. She reconnected effortlessly with relatives she hadn’t seen in seven years, moved naturally between English and Mandarin, and navigated two cultures with a confidence that reminded me how much she had grown. Watching all of this unfold filled me with pride.
And yet, those same days also brought moments that caught me off guard. There were times when I wished she were more present with me and our family. She was naturally drawn to her own world, her friends back home, and the life she is building for herself. I found myself wondering whether a trip that meant so much to me held the same meaning for her.
As parents, we spend years preparing our children for independence. What nobody really prepares us for is how emotionally disorienting that transition can feel while it’s happening. Part of parenting older children seems to be learning how to love them without needing emotional reassurance in return.
I don’t have a clean lesson or conclusion yet. I just know that at this moment, I am trying to hold two truths at once: I am proud of who she is becoming, and I am grieving the loss of who she used to be with me.
Lei