Maya Angelou had a timeless saying ““People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This is true now as it ever was.
This is why even if you carefully researched the facts and had all the logic in the world in your communication, you still only have 25% chance of success in influencing the listener. That is because words and logic alone is not enough to be an effective communicator. There are 3 additional communication elements that will increase your chances to be heard and to be supported.
- Your intent
- Your voice and tone
- Your non-verbal cues
Communication Element 1: Your Intent
What do you really hope to achieve with this communication? Are you hoping to
- help your listener or the business or the client with something?
- control the outcome with your communication?
- let the listener decide based on what you share?
- look good in front of your boss?
- inspire your team to a shared purpose?
- etc…
It is important to check your intent before your communicate and be honest about what they are. Whatever you say to someone will communicate your intent whether you mean to or not and even if you try to hide it or couch it. Most people will feel your intent no matter what you say.
For example, If you assume or expect the listener to agree with you just because you think your logic is iron tight, you can come off demanding, condescending, or controlling. You may even unconsciously choose words that will elicit resistance vs. open minded listening. This is because when you will come off expecting the others to agree. You are therefore showing them that you are not open to listening or feedback. Most listeners will mirror your intent. If you intent is to control, then they will respond with not wanting to be controlled.
Communication Element 2: Your Voice and Tone
Now that you are clear on your intent, it is also important to align your voice and tone with that intent. Let’s say your intent is to inspire your team to a shared purpose, then make sure
- your voice expresses your passion toward that shared purpose vs being overall flat and mono-toned.
- your tone conveys excitement of what’s possible if the team and you achieved this shared purpose.
So once you know your intent of your communication, decide consciously how you want your voice and tone to further support that. Any misalignment leads to at least confusion or worse mistrust.
Communication Element 3: Your Non-Verbal Cues
Last but not the least, your non-verbal cues are also important. Whether you are in person or on video, how you appear to others will affect their reaction. Most people will unconsciously mirror your demeanor.
- are you smiling?
- are you making eye contact (if in person)?
- are you keeping your arms open or folded?
- are you calm or fidgeting?
- are you leaning forward or sitting back?
- do you portray a confident posture?
These are just a few of the most obvious non-verbal cues. Think about yours ahead of time.
At the End of the Day
These are the key aspects of communications that influence how your listener will feel about your communication. Knowing what these are is a good starting point, where it will really help you is when you put it into practice into your next communication
- Know your intent and adjust them if needed
- Align your voice and tone to your intent
- Make sure non-verbal cues also support what you hope to achieve
Best wishes to your next powerful communication.
Your comments: What is your biggest challenge in your communications? Am I missing any aspect of communication that you believe is crucial? I look forward to your comments
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Lei