Every Good Leader Must Have this Characteristic and Skill

What a day yesterday! I was relieved. I was crying happy tears. Joe Biden was officially announced as our President-elect. I had been holding my breath for at least a week, maybe longer. I am relieved not because the Democrats won but because Biden has the fundamental characteristics I value in a leader.

CNN ‘s Van Jones said it best for many of us.

Who our leaders are can significantly affect our lives.

This is true especially at work even more so than who our leaders are in the Federal government. Leaders set examples for their teams. They set the tone for not only the work, but also for the culture and happiness of the teams. Have you ever worked for a terrible leader and had a happy life? I highly doubt it.

Good leaders are much rarer than you think. There are so many incompetent men and women who are in leadership positions. I venture to say less than 20% of our leaders at work are truly transformational.

• A leader may work hard but workaholic leader are actually bad for their teams.
• A leader can be a visionary but can make your life a living hell. Will you be okay with that? Steve Jobs was such a leader. Many say he was a great leader. I would beg to differ. Does the end justify the means?

Great leaders must have this characteristic – Empathy!

Empathy is about having “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” Empathy is both a trait and a skill. Whether you are naturally empathetic or need to learn it, having empathy as a leader is about how to inspire others to greatness, how to help your team be truly customer obsessed , and how to make decision based on both logic and human factors.

I was a terrible manager and leader

18 year ago, I has my first opportunity to manage people. Transition from an individual contributor to a leader of people is usually difficult. Some people never get there and it is because they lack empathy in understanding those they manage. I had this issue.

When I first managed people, I focused solely on delegating and helping the team deliver high quality work. I also made sure I compared how they did the work with how I would have done it. I then coached them on how they can do the work more like me. See any issues?

That was a sure way to demotivate any high performing team members. I lacked empathy and didn’t realize I needed it. Empathy would have helped me understand that

• Each of my team member had their own unique strengths.
• They had their own approach to getting the work done.
• It was also important for me to realize that letting my team make their own mistakes is healthy for their learning and an essential part of leadership.

A leader that lacks empathy will most likely micromanage or manage by setting unrealistic targets, unintentionally stifles creativity and likely long term lose high performing team members.

How to Develop Your Empathy as a Leader – 3 Tips

Yes, you can learn this skill. I didn’t start developing it until I was 31 years old. Here are 3 tips that helped me

Tip 1: Realize you need it. This one is key. You have to believe you need to develop this to begin to learn this skill. Sounds obvious? It’s harder than you think. At least 50% of leaders today lacks authentic empathy. This is because many leaders fakes empathy and may not even realize it. This HBR article explain it well with examples.

Tip 2: Listen and place yourself in their shoes. Your need to actively pay attention and paraphrase back their concerns when you speak with your team. You also need to encourage your team to truly understand customer needs. A leader cannot be successful if he or she refused to truly listen to the diverse perspectives of the team. A leader cannot be successful if he or she cannot inspire a team to be truly customer obsessed.

Active listening is more than just paying attention or paraphrasing. You are only truly listening if your decision as a leader are changed as a result of what you heard. Otherwise, all you are doing is trying to appease your team. Active listening also doesn’t mean you have to agree with all the perspectives of your team. It’s up to your judgement to make a balanced decision from all the information. It’s also key to be honest with your team – share what you will try and share what you believe you can control and cannot control.

Tip 3: Protect your team from unrealistic targets. If it’s best for the business if your team delivers in six months, should you push for it? It depends on what your team can realistically sign up for. They are the one who are doing the work. If your teams are voicing more concerns on this timeline and have the fact to back it up, then it’s time for you to listen and explore options. This includes

• Listening to your team on what is a reasonable timeline and rationale
• Strategize with your team potential alternative paths to results
• Be the bad guy and take accountability on behalf of the team to suggest longer timing for delivery to your leadership or the board

Becoming a great leader is a life long journey. Because you read this article, you are already on the right path as you are pushing yourself to learn and grow. It will not be an easy path to become a great leader. However, it will be likely the most rewarding journey you will ever take on. Be prepared for a “jungle gym” path to leadership. You will make mistakes along the way. However that’s also how you will learn. Just keep going. As long as your intent is to become a good leader, you will get there.

Your Comments: Do you agree that Empathy is an essential characteristic of a good leader? Do you think Steve Jobs was a good leader? How are you developing your Empathy skills?

Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.

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I am always in your corner.

Lei

Best wishes to you find fulfillment in your work and life. I am always in your corner.

Lei