I was amazed that there was a Wikipedia entry for the term “nice guy.” It focused however mostly on how nice guys fare in dating and relationships. This article is about whether nice guys have an advantage or a disadvantage in the work place.
Being a Nice Guy or Gal at Work can be an Advantage
I would argue that nice guys and gals at work in the long run can be an advantage. This advantage highly depends on how you are being nice though. I would argue being generally liked by many in the office from admin assistants to executives is a strength and an advantage in your career. It can broaden your influence skills in the long run. You never know who you are nice to in the hallway or out in social gathering at work that actually turn out to be helpful or powerful later on in your work. On the other hand, being nice even when co-workers or leaders are pushing you around is to be absolutely avoided.
Jaime Lapena, one of our executive authors, agrees with me and was kind to share his own stories from work
- How not being nice early in his career in the music industry taught him an important lesson
- How remembering that lesson and being nice in his career later on became a major advantage.
Below is the 10 min audio recording and transcription of our conversation. I look forward to your comments on this.
Audio Transcription of the 10 min Discussion
Lei: I think it’s fascinating what you’re saying to me. I would love to record this story.
Lei: So, tell me a little bit about this experience you had when you first started.
Jaime: One of the things I always believed is to always be nice to people. Now, whatever level you are, I’m always going to be nice to you. And my belief around this is that… I’ve been asked before, “Why do you say hi to everyone?” Or, “Why are you Mr. Popular?” or “Why are you a social butterfly.” My goal is not to be the social butterfly. It’s for strategic purposes also. Maybe even selfish. And there’s a story. Many years ago, I was a low-level research analyst. I was working for a well-known business directory updating company profiles.
Lei: Okay. So, business contact enrichment information.
(01:04)
Jaime: Correct. Augmentation of the business profiles.
Lei: So, you had a lot of sales calls?
Jaime: Yes, I had to make a lot of calls.
Lei: Okay.
Jaime: So, it’s cold-calling.
Lei: Not sales, actually. You’re trying to get information.
Jaime: Correct.
Lei: Yeah.
Jaime: And I would input the data that I gathered. And generally the thought is to reach out to the executives at the company to try and mine for information. Then I realized no exec or senior manager is going to care about me updating the information of their company profile .
Lei: (interrupting) A junior person calling a CEO is never going to get through.
Jaime: (overlapping) Exactly. I get a lot of “You’re wasting my time.”
Lei: Yeah.
Jaime: But I did realize that there was a gatekeeper to any executive.
Lei: You mean their one down or…?
Jaime: It could be their one down, or could be whoever that you feel is a targeted person that would know info about the company but is more accessible. So, an example here is the executive secretary. Who knows better than the person who manages everything day-to-day for the CEO?
(02:03)
Lei: That is so true. Because when I have to reach out to get on a calendar, I always have to work with the assistants. And they– I bet you they know a lot more about that executive’s key agendas!
Jaime: A lot!
Lei: Other than just their schedule.
Jaime: Let’s just say they know what’s official and a lot of what’s not official. Because they’re around them so much. They hear phone calls. I even had it down to when to get in touch with those executive secretaries. So, for example, believe it or not, lunchtime was a key time to call. Because, if the executive secretary wasn’t there, the boss would pick up because she’s gone.
Lei: Interesting. Interesting.
Jaime: In this position, one had to be creative about getting information. But to tie back in, being nice to someone. It takes seconds to be nice, right? And being nice can provide results.
(03:06)
Lei: That’s true.
Jaime: And it not only builds your brand, but at some point, you may need information from that one someone you snubbed before. How many times have you seen that before?
Lei: You assume that person has no relevance, and then you had a bad day and you decided to actually snub them and think “Ah, I don’t care because they’re of no importance to me.” Come to find out, six months later, they work for someone who you want to meet.
Jaime: And I have a valuable story about this too. It’s how I learned why not to burn a bridge.
Jaime: A long time ago, I ran with a crowd in the music scene that would hit the clubs. A friend of mine, who was just more of an acquaintance would come in and say “Hey, man. I’m trying to be a DJ. You want to hang out?” And I would blew him off because he wasn’t really known. He was just starting out.
(04:11)
Lei: He’s not cool.
Jaime: I wasn’t mean to him, but I wasn’t trying to make time because I had other things going on. So, a few months later, he comes by and says “Hey! I’ve got an hour on the most popular radio station here in San Francisco.” I say “Oh, that’s cool! What time is it at?” He replies, “Can you listen to my show?” I’m like “Yeah! What time is it at?” He says, “2AM.” And I’m thinking “Oh. Okay.” So, in radio, that means, you’re not very important. Sorry to say that, but that’s the thought.
Lei: Did you listen to it?
Jaime: No. It was too late so unfortunately I never got around to it.
Lei: (laughs)
Jaime: And then, he would come by and ask, “Hey, let’s go hit the clubs! Are you available?” And I’d usually say that I was busy.
(04:59)
Jaime: Time goes on again. I haven’t seen him for a while. He doesn’t come to visit me. He doesn’t call me. And I’m listening to the radio. Lo and behold, he’s one of the radio personalities during drive time traffic! That’s one of the most popular hours to be on radio.
So, time passess and the next thing I know, I find out he gets a promotion to have the primetime slot for a show called Love Lines, which was the most popular night time radio show. And he took over for the most popular guy.
Lei: Oh, wow.
Jaime: And he became big. Very big! The show exploded. To the point where he got so popular they moved him to the bigger market in LA to be on the biggest radio station hosting the Love Lines show.
Lei: Was that Kiss FM?
Jaime: It was The Beat.
Lei: Oh, wow. Okay.
Jaime: For the number one show slot time.
Lei: Oh, wow.
(05:57)
Jaime: You can imagine that the guy started becoming hard to get in touch with. A year later I was helping my friend, a producer who was promoting his new record. He asks me, “Can you give him a call because I know you’re tight with him.” So now I’m trying to call him, the person I was previously blowing off, to say “Hey, thanks for promoting our record.” I’m now the one trying to solicit him for his time!
I didn’t see him for a while after that. I sit down one day, turn on the TV, and watch a show called Moesha starring Brandy, a popular R&B star. As I’m watching the TV show and there’s a scene where the doorbell rings, Brandy opens the door, and to my surprise it’s my friend!
Lei: On TV!
Jaime: On the TV show! Acting in the show! And I’m sitting there with my mouth wide open!
(06:56)
Jaime: In addition to this, I start seeing his name popping up in books and magazines, as he was involved in all of the latest in the hip-hop world and living the high life.
Lei: Do you want to share who he is?
Jaime: I can.
Lei: It’s a little earlier.
Jaime: It’s way earlier. It’s a long time ago. It was in the 90s. His name is Theo Mizuhara, and he had this golden silky voice that basically was his claim to fame, especially when he got on the show called Love Lines. People would call in, talk about their relationships, and then he would DJ and put music on. It was a huge hit with a big following.
(08:04)
Lei: Yep. And he wasn’t like, I don’t know…
Jaime: So the point being is that I became the nobody.
Lei: Well, I think what you’re saying, it isn’t necessarily that we should always have the intent to say hi to people for future necessary reasons.
Jaime: That’s right.
Lei: It’s more to say, hey, be nice to people.
Jaime: Goodness comes from being nice, and the thing is–
Lei: — you just never know who has things that could help you in the future. It’s not why you’re nice, I’m assuming.
Jaime: No, no. Not at all.
Lei: But it actually– these experiences taught you lessons that you really– whether you’re the CEO or some senior vice president or whatever, you should talk to everyone because we’re all human beings, as well as they can potentially help you, right?
Jaime: And where it comes from for me, is that I’m interested in people’s stories. When I talk to them, I’m genuinely interested in them. I think it comes off when I talk to them.
(09:00)
Lei: I think it has to be genuine.
Jaime: It’s got to be genuine.
Lei: Because if you’re faking it, I think people will know.
Jaime: It can’t only be a transactional relationship.
Lei: And also, it’s not sustainable.
Jaime: That’s right.
Lei: But don’t be assholes.
Jaime: So, for me, I realized quickly, the lesson was: More goodness came to me from being nice than for being an asshole.
Lei: Yeah. Yeah.
Jaime: Things went awry for me if I was just being too hard on people. And don’t get me wrong, there’s times you have to stand your ground. But I don’t lead with that at the same time. I just never really liked it. And it’s not my personality.
Lei: And it’s okay to say hi to people that you don’t work with but is around the floor.
Jaime: Listen, I say hi to the people who are wiping down the elevators and doing whatever. And it doesn’t cost anything to smile at them. And they say hi back. And guess what… they remember me!
Lei: And also it’s a nice way to actually go through your day.
Jaime: That’s it! But the point being, I’ll reiterate, is that more goodness came of that than from being not nice.
(10:07)
Lei: It’s not necessary to…
Jaime: Yeah, I didn’t feel good about it. And it wasn’t my personality. So, why go against my personality to be something I’m not.
Lei: Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing!
Jaime: Thank you.
Your comments: Do you agree with this perspective? why or why not? I look forward to your comments and questions.
Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.
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I am always in your corner.
Lei
I am always in your corner.
Lei