I received shocking news last week. I found out a dear friend and colleague was diagnosed with aggressive spine cancer. It was a complete surprise to him and his wife. I couldn’t believe it until I confirmed it with “Henry” directly.
Henry just retired and is only in his sixties. He is one of the most positive people I have ever met. Underneath an initial tough exterior, Henry is like “Grandpa Santa Claus” – he laughs with his belly; he gives great hugs, and he can stay calm under the most stressful circumstances.
I loved working with Henry. He was brilliant, practical, but was also like “my therapist” at work. I would look forward to my meetings with him especially during tough weeks. I would tell him my frustrations. He would listen with smiling eyes. Then he would laugh and tell me his perspective. Before I knew it, I was feeling better and we then dived into work.
I was beyond sad when I heard the news. Henry, still sounded like himself when I called him. He shared matter of factly that he just went through the first round of chemo and is now waiting to see if it helped at all. In the meanwhile, he has to take some extreme medication for the bone pain. OMG, I was broken up inside. Henry had all these plans to walk and bike every day after retirement. He was looking forward to spending time with his wife of 40+ years, and he talked all about having to do all the “honey-dos” in his retirement.
This is not fair! I am immensely sad every time I think of his situation and also how devastated his wife must be. I asked if he needed anything. He laughed and said “stand in line.” Many more people have already asked that. Henry is well loved. All I can do for Henry is to continuously send him healthy thoughts and “pray” that the chemo worked in some way. He said he won’t know for a few weeks.
News like this put life in perspective. While it’s not happening to me or my immediate family, it reminds me how precious the present is as tomorrow is not guaranteed. We almost alway live life as if it is. Here are four questions I am asking myself so I can reevaluate my life priorities and take action if needed
Question 1: Do I have any regrets if I died tomorrow? Actually my husband asked me that last week when he learned the news of Henry. Our life’s priorities are the most clear when we are close to death, unfortunately. My husband said no to this question. I am still pondering my answer.
Question 2: Am I spending enough time with family – in my case, my parents and my kids? Studies have shown most people in their death bed regret not spending enough time with their loved ones and friends. For me, in both case, I realize I am not. I have been prioritizing work.
My parents are thankfully healthy for now and also low maintenance. They don’t demand me to visit even though I am an only child. I see them twice a year because they visit us in San Francisco. I realized that I really should visit with them more at their house or go on vacation together.
As for my kids, I do need to spend more time with them. Hubby just talked to me last month about this. I have been coming home later and later from work – consistently pass dinner time. He said the kids, especially my younger one has been asking for me every evening. I realized how easy it is to prioritize work over kids. I slowly got into a routine of working late as my meetings don’t end until 5:30 and then finally I have quiet time to work. It seems like a good rationale but really it’s not. I can actually reprioritize and work when they are sleeping. My kids are only 7 and 11 years old once. These are the most impressionable ages. Being there for them will lead me to happier. I was already making process here and this news of Henry is another reminders of what’s really important. I kept my changes to three things, so they are simple and achievable. I realized that frankly anything is achievable if I just prioritized it
- Come home by dinner time 6pm at least 3 days a week
- Say yes when my kids ask me to play with them, even if I am in the middle of something.
- Take six Fridays off to be with them in the summer. My kids still want to play with me. I better take advantage of this preference while it lasts 🙂
Question 3 – Am I at the right job and company? This is a loaded question as I think there are many right jobs and company in parallel. On the one hand, I am currently challenged, learning, and have a great, growing team. On the other hand, I question the strategic direction of the overall company I think this question may take a few months to answer. For now, I am grateful I am on a journey of discovering the answer.
Question 4 – Am I taking care of my health? Our health is the most important asset in our life. It’s more important than money and time. I think this questions means am I doing all my checkups AND am I exercising and living a healthy lifestyle. I realized I was doing the latter and not the former. There are a few small things I have been procrastinating on. It’s time to take action to book those different check ups. It’s likely to be all fine but I need to learn from Henry’s news and make sure early. Henry shared he had back pain for months and ignored it. 🙁
I leave you with these questions to ponder. Even if you don’t have all the answers, the act of asking the questions is an improvement and worthwhile. Best wishes to a healthy, fulfilling life today!
Your Comments: Do you have any regrets if you died tomorrow? I look forward to your comments
Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.
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Lei