I struggled with what to say and how to feel after watching the blatant racism and senseless killing of George Floyd. I just cried. How can this be happening in 2020? I always thought I was doing enough by being “color blind” when it comes to interacting with anyone.
I realized however that I haven’t done enough. I came across this video 2 weeks ago and watched it with anguish and sadness.
I can feel the raw anger and pain in their voices. I was also inspired by the wisdom in what the 31 years old man said – Come up with a better way! While he was saying it to the 16 year old, I felt like he was also saying it to me – to all of us. Whatever we have been doing before has not worked. We all need to do more in our everyday lives to drive the change we want to see in our society.
I then came across this 12 min video that really helped me understand what else I can do. While she was directing this message to “white women,” I found it meaningful for anyone who truly want to help.
It starts with us and the conversation we have with our families and friends. What she is suggesting we do is more than just protest and donate. What she suggests we do is also more difficult, even though all of them can be done at home.
Action 1: Examine our own hidden bias and prejudice
We all have them, even those of us who think we are “color blind.” I realized I am not “color blind.” I just want to think I am. This video below made me realize my unconscious bias and reaction.
When the video started, I immediately saw the piercing eyes, the dreadlock hair, and the color of his skin. I noticed my subtle bias. If I saw him on the street for 5 seconds, would I be afraid? My honest answer was maybe. I would at least have told myself to be careful. On the street, I wouldn’t have the luxury of getting to know him through the rest of this video. On the street, it would have been based on instinct and whatever unconscious bias I already had. By the middle of the video however, I already wanted to get to know him and even be his friend. That was the point of the video.
- It’s important to be aware of our bias. Our culture and our media have engrained a strong stereotype of black men as criminals for decades. Each of us need to recognize the bias is there already, subconsciously.
- It’s important to not decide anything in the first 5 seconds of looking at someone and strive to understand more about the person. Unless it’s a truly threatening situation, let’s not make quick judgement. Let’s not make the mistake Amy Cooper made – calling the cops and exaggerating the threat when the person (a black man) had legitimate reasons to ask her to leash her dog.
Action 2: Talk to our friends and family about racism.
Majority of my friends are not white. I didn’t actually know that until recently. Given all this racial tension, I decided to look at my immediate circles and be aware of who my friends are based on their color. It may sound odd but I have never done this before. I have always cateogorized friends based on where I know them, how they are with me (funny, loving, caring, loyal, energetic, sharp, etc..), and how close our relationship is. It’s my approach to being “color blind.”
The murder of George Floyd clearly shows the society we live in is not “color blind” and therefore even if we are, we need to address this issue with others. I don’t know the last time I actually talked about racism with anyone. Maybe 4 years ago when I deleted the Lyft app from my phone. That was only because I personally experienced racism from a middle eastern driver and Lyft sided with him instead of asking me what happened.
Luckily I live in San Francisco and for the most part I don’t personally experience any racism. However, I realized by not talking about it with my black friends, my latino friends, my asian friends, and my white friends, I actually still contribute to the status quo of racism in our society. So I started talking now to find out more what people think, what we can do. Only by building awareness and taking action can we all help drive the change we want to see.
Action 3 – Strive to understand the racism our immediate friends and family experience.
I never considered how my black and latino friends are treated in their lives until only a few weeks ago, especially my male friends. One of my best friends from business school came from Ghana, Africa 30 years ago. We have known each other for 20+ years and never had a race conversation because it was never an issue between us.
I talked with him last weekend because I wanted to find out what life is like for him and if he or his sons are affected in general by the racism in our society. I was saddened to hear yes. He is a successful entrepreneur now and used to be a senior executive at GE. He told me, “none of that mattered” Any time a cop pulls him over, he shared he needs to remind himself to be extra careful of what he say, how he says it, as well as where he put his hands. His experience has been also that he is assumed to be likely guilty until he can prove he is innocent. WTF!
He told me he was pulled over by the cops on his way to Wharton to start his MBA studies. He was driving a suburban full of stuff from his home in Atlanta to Philadelphia and he was pulled over. He was not speeding. The cops questioned where he was going and asked him to prove that he is a Wharton student. Luckily he had all the paperwork with him. What?! Can you imagine being pulled over and asked to do that when you haven’t violated any high way traffic laws?
Are all cops this way? No of course not. We know 3 cops as well who are friends. They are not like this. This is not an issue of cops vs black people in general. This is an issue of racist people being given power that they don’t deserve and they not facing enough consequences when they abuse that power.
Below is a TED talk by Baratunde Thurston that will help you understand further. “I am tired of carrying this invisible burden of other people’s fears.” — Baratunde Thurston
Action 4 – Care about this issue for the coming decade vs just the next few weeks
This is the hardest action to take as it requires us to really care and want to change our society. Everyone is protesting now and talking about this issue. Racism has been around for decades in American society. In most recent memory are the brutal beating of Rodney King and now the senseless murder of George Floyd. They are 28 years apart and yet our society seems to have gone backwards since the Rodney King beating.
We need to protest now and take the first 3 actions I listed above, but we also need to do this a year from now, 2 years from now even if we don’t hear another incident of George Floyd. Racism isn’t something that will disappear in a few weeks or even years. It will take decades of efforts to reduce and eliminate.
I spoke to another friend of mine last weekend. He is Dominican and also shared similar encounters with the cops. When I told him that I am hopeful that we will finally change, he was not as optimistic. He shared this text exchange he had with a friend on why he thinks things will likely stay more of the same still.
Is he right? Will this issue just pass after a few weeks or months and then we just go back to our lives? I don’t know.
He is right about human nature though. We don’t like to dwell on the ugly truth. We also don’t act unless we are deeply affected ourselves. Six months from now, will you still care about this issue? Probably. Six months from now, will you still be taking action in your everyday lives to address racism? I hope so but perhaps less likely.
All I know is I have learned a lot in the last 2 weeks since the killing of George Floyd. I am hoping my realizations will drive a lasting change in me in awareness, in taking time to understand what’s going on around me, in speaking up when I witness racism in my everyday life. Is this enough? I don’t know. I know however that I will strive to understand and learn more. I will continue to ask myself “what else can I do?” and “how do I come up with a better way?” I will continue to find new answers and take more action in influencing others in my everyday life.
Your comments: Will you join me in taking these actions to help drive change? What else do you think we should do? I look forward to your comments
Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.
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I am always in your corner.
Lei
Stay aware. Stay Safe! Thanks for listening
Lei