Self-Confidence: Jim Carrey Tells Us How to Get it

Since I heard about Jim Carrey’s commencement speech a few weeks ago, I have listened to it three times.  Each time I seem to learn something new.  This 5 minute clip goes into the heart of why many of us can lack self-confidence and how we all have the power to get it back at any moment.  All it takes is a realization of “what we already possess.”

Listen to it for yourself.  I promise you will get a different perspective on yourself, your work, and your life.   I also shared the transcription below plus what I learned from this clip.   I hope it can transform your thinking about self confidence the way it did for me. 🙂

Audio Transcription Excerpt + My Reactions

Our eyes are not only viewers, but also projectors that are running a second story over the picture we see in front of us all the time. Fear is writing that script and the working title is, ‘I’ll never be enough.’

This immediately resonated with me.  I grew up comparing myself to the highest standards “Why did I only get a 95 out of 100 on this test,” my dad would ask me when I was young.  “Why did I only get an A- in this class?” I learn to ask myself as I got older.  “Why didn’t I get a better year end review?” I carried the unhealthy mentality to my work.    I may have been able to push myself to achieve more with this thought pattern, but at a price.  For many years, I wasn’t ever happy with any achievement I made. It was because I was always unconsciously telling myself “I was not enough.”    Only in the last 5-8 years, did I realize I am too critical of myself. As funny as this sounds, it is time to tell myself “I am enough,” and focus on more on what I really can do in this world for others.    I hope you will do the same.

You look at a person like me and say, (kidding) “How could we ever hope to reach those kinds of heights, Jim? How can I make a painting that’s too big for any reasonable home? How do you fly so high without a special breathing apparatus?” (laughter)

This is the voice of your ego. If you listen to it, there will always be someone who seems to be doing better than you. No matter what you gain, ego will not let you rest. It will tell you that you cannot stop until you’ve left an indelible mark on the earth, until you’ve achieved immortality.

It is so common in our society and in our thinking to compare ourselves to others.  I would compare my achievements to my Wharton classmates.  I would compare how I did in an executive meeting with my own standards of how I should have done.  I would even compare how my kids are doing vs. others’ kids.    While they all seem nature, Jim Carrey warns us how unproductive these thoughts actually are.  When we compare, we end up criticizing ourselves and can also keep ourselves form striving at all if the target seem so unattainable and far away.  My goal now is to be self aware whenever I find myself comparing to anything even when I am doing “better” than someone else.  Instead, just focus on aspiring to do more without expectations.

How tricky is the ego that it would tempt us with the promise of something we already possess.

This sentence is quite spiritual and hard to fathom.   There are so many books that talks about the fact we are all one soul, one energy, or the fact that god is within all of us.  I am not religious, but it is comforting to think about myself beyond my physical form and to imagine somehow we are all connected in some way.  It gives me hope that we are just here in this life to experience it and then we will live on… I know I am getting quite philosophical, but I love it that his speech made me think at this level.

So I just want you to relax—that’s my job—relax and dream up a good life! (applause) I had a substitute teacher from Ireland in the second grade that told my class during Morning Prayer that when she wants something, anything at all, she prays for it, and promises something in return and she always gets it. I’m sitting at the back of the classroom, thinking that my family can’t afford a bike, so I went home and I prayed for one, and promised I would recite the rosary every night in exchange. Broke it—broke that promise. (laughter)

Two weeks later, I got home from school to find a brand new mustang bike with a banana seat and easy rider handlebars — from fool to cool! My family informed me that I had won the bike in a raffle that a friend of mine had entered my name in, without my knowledge. That type of thing has been happening ever since, and as far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want and working toward it while letting go of how it might come to pass. (applause)

Telling myself to relax is harder than it sounds.  I always believed that if I want to achieve something, I have to strive for it which meant feeling the discomfort and the pain of achieving it.  Ironically if I didn’t work hard to get it, I don’t even appreciate it.   I am realizing it ‘s a bit masochistic.    I am now testing out a new theory – faith.  Not the religious kind, but just a pure trust that things will work out as it should be.    This is pretty un-nature for me, but I am realizing that every time I let go and not try to control the outcome but simply focus on doing my best, it works out.  Perhaps the best way to be self confident is to tell ourselves to relax and believe we can do it.

Your job is not to figure out how it’s going to happen for you, but to open the door in your head and when the doors open in real life, just walk through it. Don’t worry if you miss your cue. There will always be another door opening. They keep opening.

And when I say, “life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.” I really don’t know if that’s true. I’m just making a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial so that I can deal with them in the most productive way. You’ll come up with your own style, that’s part of the fun!

The best part of our life is that we all get to choose how we interpret what is happened to us every day.  We can look at a layoff as a failure or we can choose to look at it as an opportunity.  When 2009 happened, many people lost their jobs.  But you know what.  Several years later, I heard from several friends of how losing their jobs were perhaps the best thing that ever happened to them.  They finally had a chance to follow their passion and start companies because they were laid off from their “safe” choice of work.   Morale of the story is we can all choose to be self confident even when things don’t work out the way we thought.  All we have to do is trust that they will eventually work out.

Oh, and why not take a chance on faith as well? Take a chance on faith — not religion, but faith. Not hope, but faith. I don’t believe in hope. Hope is a beggar. Hope walks through the fire. Faith leaps over it.

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world and after you walk through those doors today, you will only ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.

We are capable of so many things in this world.  What are some of things you want to do but you are afraid?  Ask yourself, what would you do next if you were not afraid?  Then try doing that just once and see how it feels.  Perhaps it’s not as scary as you thought it would be.   People say the best way to live life is do something that scares you every day of your life.  Honestly, I am not sure I can do it that often, but I agree with it in theory.  Only when we are open to trying new things in life, are we truly living life to the fullest.  I look forward to trying more things that scares me.  How about you?

Your comments:  What is your biggest reaction to this 5 min speech from Jim Carrey?  What will you do differently today as a result?  I look forward to hear from you.

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Best wishes to your success and happiness in life and work.

Lei