Work has been stressful. At a macro level, there are massive organizational changes in motion and definitive news of layoffs coming this year. At the micro level, my leader resigned last week and I have to deal with lots of politics, ineffective processes, and incompetence. I guess “work” is not called “play” for a reason. 🙂
It’s of course not all bad.
- I have an amazing team of product managers and technology partners
- Our work has been designated high priority for acceleration by senior leaders and the board.
- We are approved to add both business and tech resources asap
- Our work is highly impactful to our customers and to the business – millions of dollar in potential benefits
Even though my work is meaningful, I cannot seem to stop thinking about the negative aspect of work lately. I would wake up already agitated, bracing for ineffective meetings or contentious discussions. For the last month, my thoughts had been dominated by “what I don’t want” and why it sucks. I also found myself sharing with my trusted colleagues or mentors a consistent set of complaints
- “This person did x. It’s so illogical. Can you believe it?…”
- “This process y sucks. No one knows how to improve it. Can you believe it?
- “Oh my god, he is such a bully….”
I think you get the picture. While I am perhaps justified to feel how I feel about these different events, I woke up last week realizing I am contributing to my own stress and feeling of powerlessness. If I keep thinking about what I don’t want, the universe can only focus on the latter part my thoughts. Here are examples.
- I don’t want to deal with this politics
- I don’t want to work with all these incompetent partners
- I don’t ever want to work for that person. He is such a bad leader.
- I don’t want to be blamed for low quality work we don’t control
The universe doesn’t understand the “I don’t want” part of my thoughts. Instead, but focusing my attention on these aspects of my work, it only adds to the stress and brings more energy to them happening more often.
What can I do – Focus on what I want
July 4th was my birthday. We had a quiet day at home and bought a few Chinese cake slices to celebrate. As I was blowing out my candle on the cake in making a wish, I noticed what I wished for. I wished for what I wanted to happen for my family and myself this year and beyond. I didn’t tell myself “I want x and y to stop. ” While that seems obvious to many of us, I realized I wasn’t doing that at work.
It’s as simple as that. I must wish for what I want for the universe to conspire to help me the right way.
- The universe is always listening and it’s really up to me to focus my mind and energy on what I want instead of what I don’t want.
- By focusing on what I want, I also feel empowered again to take action towards it.
- The other good news is when I truly focus on what I want, my wishes tend to come true in the long run.
- I truly believe in the “Secret” and expect it to work
So What do I want?
I had to pause for a bit when I asked this question of myself. I have been so busy complaining about what I don’t like lately that I realized the answer to what I want was not clear to me. It’s another reason I have felt scattered and agitated.
If I had a magic wand, what do I want at work and in life? Let’s start with what I want in life first
- I want my family and friends to be healthy and feel safe from the COVID 19 pandemic and any social unrest
- I want harmony, love, and enjoyment in my home life with my husband and kids despite what’s going on around us
- I want to be financially secure regardless of any external factors (eg.. layoffs, stock market volatility, etc..)
- I want to be connected to those close to me.
Here is what I want at work
- I want to work for inspiring, authentic leaders that have vision and empathy
- I want to work with colleagues and lead teams that are both passionate and effective at what they do
- I want autonomy to drive my work and making a meaningful impact
- I want to learn exponentially at work
- I want to be an effective leader and coach to my team
- I want to work smarter instead of harder to get results (e.g. be smarter about politics – choose my battles, delegate or redirect vs solve all the issues on my own)
Will I get what I want?
Why not! in this new perspective, I realize the beauty of my work situation. In the last 20+ years I have worked, I have almost always got what I wanted in one way or another. It may not come in the way or time frame I expected but past work changes /challenges always led me to evolve into a better leader and stronger professional.
So How does this help with my stress or complaints of work?
Let’s go through some examples – here were my complaints and how I am dealing with them now.
- Incompetent partners – I cannot change who they are, but I can change how I engage. I can avoid where I can and solve where I cannot. In the last week, I came up with a draft RACI for our work with our partners. This relieved a lot of the pressure. My team is not accountable for the full deliverable. The other teams must step up to do their part for the company to get the results. By clearly aligning with others on the RACI of our work, we can redirect certain questions to other parties.
- Unhealthy politics – I also cannot stop this, but I can reach out to leaders I respect to navigate this as well as get advice. While my leader is leaving, there are still plenty of leaders at my company that I respect and respect my work. I will ask for help to figure out how to deal with this.
- Bullies – I can either avoid or stand up to this. It will depend on the situation. I need to choose my battle and see which one is worth fighting.
- Ineffective processes – These will stand in the way of our team’s progress. The best way is to “raise our hand” and ask for help. After all, senior leaders want our work done asap. It’s up to me to escalate if we cannot get pass a process established by another group.
Additionally, by focusing on “what I want” above, my mind is already coming up with different way to achieve the six aspects I want from work. I feel powerful again to control my destiny in spite of many things outside my control. You can do the same. We are powerful people. It starts with knowing what you want and expecting it to come true. The rest takes action and patience to see how the universe will deliver 🙂
Your comments: I would love to hear if this article resonated with you. Also do you know what you want from work and life? I look forward to your comments
Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.
Like this article? Please share it with your friends and colleagues on Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, etc…
New to this Site? Start here – How to Succeed like an Executive
I am always in your corner.
Lei
Best wishes. I am always in your corner.
Lei