It was three days before Isabel’s college applications were due. I checked in to see if she had looked at my essay suggestions. She said calmly that she had—and then told me, just as confidently, that she had decided not to take them.
To my surprise, I felt relieved. And proud. My girl had really grown up.
A Whirlwind of Deadlines
The past three weeks have been a blur. Isabel had three applications due last weekend—one Early Decision and two Early Action. Each came with a personal statement, three supplemental essays, and (for her top choice) a full art and design portfolio with up to 18 pieces.
She submitted everything by November 3—at exactly 11:54 p.m.—while I sat there biting my nails, trying not to ask, “Have you turned it in yet?” every five minutes. It took all my strength to just wait, be present, and ask if she needed anything.
Letting Go of Control
My role was mostly with her written applications—reviewing drafts, catching typos, and offering feedback when she asked for it. The portfolio was entirely hers. Watching her take full ownership of that creative work reminded me that this process is hers, not mine.
Still, I found myself worrying: I haven’t applied to college in 30 years—what do I really know about admissions now? Yet I felt like I should know more, that I owed her every piece of advice possible. What if I missed something that cost her a chance?
That’s when I realized I was falling into the illusion of control. Listening to The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins helped me reframe. My job isn’t to make every decision for her—it’s to offer what I can and let her choose.
The Turning Point
That moment came on Thursday last week. We’d gone back and forth on whether she should include a personal story in her main essay. I thought it added depth. She thought it cluttered the message. After a month of consideration, she finally said, “Mommy, I’ve decided not to include it. The story reads cleaner.”
I felt a rush of pride—and yes, a little sadness. My baby is 17½, almost an adult, confidently charting her own path.
Leadership Lessons from Parenting
No matter what happens with her Early Decision school—or the next two rounds of applications in December and January—I already feel fulfilled. Watching her take ownership of her future has been a lesson in trust, humility, and joy.
What I’m learning is that growth isn’t about getting everything right—it’s about trusting the process and the people we care about. Whether it’s my daughter stepping into adulthood or a colleague stepping into leadership, my role isn’t to steer every move. It’s to stay beside them, ready when they need me, and quietly cheering when they don’t.
Lei
Thank you for this thoughtful article. I appreciated how you highlighted the parallels between parenting and leadership, especially how nurturing independence, modelling integrity, and embracing the small everyday moments of growth translate into effective team leadership. You’ve made the connection between home-life insights and workplace practice very clear and compelling. Excellent work.
Dennis, thanks for the comment. Glad it was helpful.