Difference between Success and Happiness

What is your definition of career success?  For most of us recognition, status, financial security, and wealth come to mind.   Why wouldn’t it? Our society has trained us to associate these things with career success.   There is also an implicit promise here that if we are successful, we will be happy.  But is it true?

Perhaps this story below will shed some light as it did for me.  A friend shared with me this talk by Dr. Richard Teo.  Dr Teo’s full talk can be found at this link.   I copied the most relevant excerpts below to illustrate aspects that I think are the most important to remember, as we continue to strive in our careers.

Dr. Richard Teo, was a millionaire and a cosmetic surgeon.  He gave this talk about success, wealth, happiness, and joy on Nov 24, 2011.

DR. TEO BACKGROUND

… I’m a typical product of what the media portrays. From young, I’ve always been under the influence and impression that to be happy, is to be successful. And to be successful, is to be wealthy. So I led my life according to this motto.  Coming from a poor average family, back in those days, I was highly competitive, whether in sports, studies, leadership. I wanted it all. I’ve been there, done that. But at the end of the day, it’s still about money.

And that was what I did – liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgeries, you name it, we do it. It was very good money. My clinic [had 3 months wait list and we expanded to other locations hiring more doctors].  I’m there, my time has arrived.  Around February last year, I said, ‘OK, I have so much spare cash, it’s time to get my first Ferrari…” I was also looking for land, to share with some of my friends…and build our houses.’

I was at my prime, getting ready to enjoy…

THE UNEXPECTED

In March 2011, out of the blue … I had some backache, and that’s all I had, but it was persistent. And so I went for an MRI to exclude prolapsed disc. And the day before I had my scan, I was still in the gym, lifting heavy weights, doing my squats. I work out six days a week.  And the next day, they found that half my spine had bone marrow replacement. I said, “Woah, sorry, what’s that?” 

We had a PET scan the next day, and they diagnosed that I had terminal lung cancer, stage 4B. It had spread to the brain, half the spine, whole of my lungs were filled with tumor, liver, adrenals…

I said, “Can’t be, I was just at the gym last night, what’s going on?” I’m sure you know how it feels – though I’m not sure if you know how it feels. One moment I was there at the peak, the next day, and this news came and I was totally devastated. My whole world just turned upside down. I couldn’t accept it. I have a hundred relatives on both sides… And not a single one has cancer. To me, in my mind, I have good genes; I’m not supposed to be having this! … I was in denial.
…

DR. TEO REALIZATIONS

…over the last few months, I started to understand what this true joy is about. In the past, I substituted true joy with the pursuing of wealth. I thought true joy is about pursuing wealth. … let me put it to you this way, in my death bed, I found no joy whatsoever in whatever objects I had – my Ferrari, thinking of the land I was going to buy to build my bungalow etc, having a successful business.  It brought me ZERO comfort, ZERO joy, nothing at all. Do you think I can hold onto this piece of metal and it’s going to give true joy? Nah, it’s not going to happen.

So what we have is basically a short-term pride at the expense of somebody else. And that wasn’t true joy. And I found no joy at all on my deathbed, thinking of my Ferrari – to hold on to it…?!?

UNDERSTANDING OF TRUE JOY

True joy I discovered comes from interaction. Over the last few months I was so down. Interaction with my loved ones, my friends…, and only then was I able to be motivated, able to be uplifted. To share my sorrow, to share my happiness – that’s true joy.

And you know what makes me smile? True joy comes from helping others in hardship, and because I’ve gone through this, I know what hardship entails. In fact, there’re some cancer patients who tell me a lot of times, people come up to them and tell them, “Stay positive. Stay positive.” Yah, right. You come in my shoes and you try to stay positive! You don’t know what you’re talking about!

But I have the license. So I’ve been going out to meet other fellow cancer patients, to share with them, encourage them. And I know, because I’ve been through it, and it’s easier for me to talk to them.
….

DR TEO’S PARTING WORDS OF WISDOM

There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. …  So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. … It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. It is important to love and serve others, not just ourselves. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. …

Dr. Teo passed away Oct 18, 2012 at the age of 40.    His talk lingered with me and here is what I took away from it.

1. Put my career success in the bigger perspective and pursue it for the right reasons – don’t do it just for money and status
2. Joy and success come from how I develop myself and contribute to others positively in my life.  They do not come from showing that I have things others don’t have.
3. Enjoy life every single day as there is no guarantees of tomorrow
4. Be thankful for what I have

I leave you with a different definition of success, one I was lucky to learn in business school.  Best wishes to your career!

Your comments: Did Dr. Teo talk help you rethink your definition of career success and how you choose to live your life? Add your comments below and let’s have a discussion.

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