What Do You Want to Be in this New Decade? - Soft Skills

I have been writing this post in my head for the last month. Glad to finally have time to put “pen to paper.” Every year, I take time to think about my new year aspirations. Here are some of my past ones

As it’s now the new decade, I asked myself a longer term question – What do I want to be in this new decade? I find sometimes it’s the question we ask ourselves that can broaden our horizon. Here is what I came up with that has been inspiring me into new action and perspective. I hope this post can also help you think holistically and differently about who you want to be in 2020 and beyond.

5 BEs for the New Decade

I drew this in the middle of the night in the first week of Jan. It was just in my head. I felt also compelled to draw Winnie the Pooh at 4am. Winnie the Pooh has always been known for his simple wisdom for life. Besides, I was already exercising my right to be silly. Who says what a senior executive at a bank can do or not do on her own time :-)! Drawing badly in the middle of the night is my right.

I have been living these 5 BEs for a month now in my personal life and at work. I love their simplicity in reminding me to take risks, to be proactive in exploring life, to make changes, and to be myself (sometimes as silly as a kid). Life is too short to be restricted by how others think I should be.

Be Bold

I already consider myself bold in some ways. But I know I can be bolder. For example,

Speak up – Be more direct either in speaking my mind to my senior leaders or telling another person the truth about where they may have a blindspot in their development. I believe if I have the right intent, they will appreciate or benefit from whatever disagreeing or difficult message I have to share. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, but being bold is about giving others a chance.
Say yes – Try new things that I find uncomfortable, like starting a new format for our monthly coaching call, and risk no one liking it or agree to go on a new adventure even though I am not sure I would like it or I am any good at it.

I am still thinking about other ways to be bold. I welcome any suggestions.

Be Present

This is probably the one I need to work on the most in 2020 and beyond and mostly in my personal life. As a highly productive person, I think I have inadvertently put myself in the “Matrix” of constant doing. As a result, my weekends and weeknights have too much doing and not enough of timeless presence with my kids.

I just read an article about the difficult art of doing nothing. The author suggested we do the following. You can see more details in the article.

Live without our phone for a month
Live without time over the weekend
Live without importance for a month
Live without things for a month

My immediate reaction to 1 and 3 is I cannot do that YET. 2 and 4 however I can take some action on. I have noticed how much “doing” I do on the weekend – planning, chores, blog, and work – resulting in my kids time being very limited. To achieve #2 – Live without time over the weekend, I must implement the following

Blog on the weekdays, in segments, and shorter pieces – maybe in late evening or early morning. Write an article in pieces so that I can use 20 min 8 times to get an article published vs a 2-3 hour block. Also write less content in one article. I am not following this rule for this article as its been in my head for a month with many streams of thoughts, but starting the next one, I will. You can call me on it if I don’t. It always hangs on my mind on the weekends that I should blog as I have so much to share. It has become a pressure point competing with my presence with my kids.
Time box family planning to weekdays – I have been finding myself “planning playdates,” “buying from amazon,” “searching for next vacation spots” randomly on the weekend. Given the convenience of our mobile phones, I am almost addicted to doing as soon as I have a thought about something. I need to instead make a list and designate a non-kids time to do these things. Again my kids will only want to play with me for a few more years. I need to be more present to them.
Leave work until Monday early morning 7am- I have been letting work creep into my weekend as I have a big and expanding job and I am an overachiever. I need to let go of wanting to do everything on time and perfectly. Instead, I need to leave it for Monday morning. The only other time I should consider work is when the kids are all doing their homework. We can just do “homework” together. I need to know how to stop it though when they are done. There is always more work than I have time for.
Turn chores into a family event – My kids are bigger now. I need to think creatively about how they can help me with chores so that it become a family “fun” event. Will see how that goes…

If I do these things, I can then be more present for myself (by taking time to do nothing), be more present with my kids (by being available for making cookies, puzzles, and just hanging out). I know I can do it, as I have been able to be present to my husband all these years as we have set date night for every Sat night since we have been married and with kids. Everything can change if I am intentional in changing it. We are powerful in controlling our own destiny :-). Wish me luck.

As for #4 – Live without things in my life – I need to do a major purge event of stuff I don’t use. I definitely have that thought of “perhaps I will still need it.” It takes so much mind space and physical space. I will do a major purge – next Sat Feb 8th and make it a family event. :-). I can let you know how it goes.

Be Known

This is about two main aspects

Proactive in networking inside and outside my company – I love networking actually. This is about being more deliberate than last year and reaching out to learn more. I am actually really looking forward to connecting with more people this year both professionally and perhaps also personally.
Speak in more conferences. I did one last year and aim to do four this year. I have one confirmed so far and a few more in the works. I am thankful to my leader who has been encouraging me to speak more and more since last year. I always think “I haven’t learned enough” and she always says to me “you know more than you think.” This can be about identity management or leadership topics.
Say yes to other opportunities where I can be known. I believe in “the secret” and thus expect there will be probably other ways I can be known that I haven’t thought of. By being intentional in this area, I am sure I will be given more opportunities in areas I won’t expect 🙂

Be Silly

I love this one as I think this is what will keep me and all of us young and “young at heart.” I love watching my kids be silly and love being silly with them. Work sometimes can be overly serious. As a team leader, when I am silly, I give the team a larger space to be relaxed as well.

This one is perhaps more natural to me already. It’s just a matter of giving myself permission to be more silly in situations I don’t expect.

Be Wise

I mainly wrote this one based on thinking that I should be more wise with my time. Time is equally limited to everyone. How I use it shapes my experience and that of those around me. I was realizing I have been trying to please everyone and thus “over-using my time” in ways that are not wise.

For example, I really believe in career coaching and have been dedicating a lot of time to my team on this. Perhaps a little too much as I am starting to feel like that I may be caring and pushing them more on their career learning than they are. That’s not healthy for them or for me. Career development needs to be 80% driven by the individual and 20% by the coach. As part of being wise with my time, I changed two things so far

Delegating the initiation of need for coaching to my team – meaning instead of set time with them to talk about their 2020. I asked them to ping me on this if they need assistance.
Merged my monthly coaching with my team with my blog coaching calls – I realized I was duplicating the work and we end up actually talking about the same subjects.

Being wise also has to do with my next career steps. Thankfully I have some good mentors in my life who can help me think through options. I am fortunate to have options in my career and several that look promising. I need to remember to reach out to my mentors to give me an objective perspective

These are really just my starting thoughts. What I really like about these 5 BEs is how easy it is for me to remember them. I have posted them on my wall at work and in my bedroom. Sometimes just looking at them can give me a new idea about how to pursue something.

These may very well not be fitting for your life. I urge you to take some time to dream about what you want to be in this decade. The sky is the limit as we all have a “magic wand” in our own dream. Have fun with it. You never know where it may lead you in 2020 and the new decade. 🙂

Your comments: I would love to hear your output from this exercise – What do you want to be this decade and why? I look forward to your comments

Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.

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I am always in your corner.

Lei

Best wishes to a joyful new decade full of new experiences, learning, and growth. I am always in your corner.

Lei