13 Funniest Resume Bloopers

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Time to take a break from your job search efforts and check out the 150 funniest resume mistakes.  If you thought you are having a hard time with finding a job, imagine these people.  This read will cheer you up.  Here are my 13 favorites.

  1. Hobbies: “enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians”
  2. “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer”
  3. Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using her words.
  4. “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail”
  5. Woman who sent her résumé and cover letter without deleting someone else’s editing, including such comments as “I don’t think you want to say this about yourself here”
  6. “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
  7. “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”
  8. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
  9. Objective: “I want to play a major part in watching a company advance.”
  10. Qualifications: “I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.”
  11. Work experience: “Responsibilities included checking customers out.”
  12. Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories.”
  13. Education: “I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

Enjoy this much needed break and good luck out there! ...  read more

Avoid Job Search Mistakes with Recruiters

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We all know that recruiters and headhunters are often necessary middlemen in the job searching efforts. What we may not always appreciate is just how much influence they may have on our current and future job search success.   This is especially true for $100K+ jobs.

Did you know that many headhunters have black lists kept in their databases? As you may infer from the name, if you are blacklisted, they will not consider you for any openings today and well into the future and worse, they won’t tell you that you have been blacklisted. ...  read more

Job search advice from Tony Robbins

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I don’t know if you caught this interview or not on Larry King Live on Dec 3, 2009.  Tony Robbins along with Magic Johnson and others sits down with Larry King to provide some very sound job search advice for this tough market

Here is a summary of Tony’s key points that hopefully can help you be practical,  re-energize your efforts in the new year, and take massive actions ...  read more

How to Pretend to be Working

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We have all done it, whether you admit it or not.  I am not writing about this to promote laziness or show you how to cheat at work.   Many hard working, top performing professionals, have to resort to this  or should because of one of these scenarios

  • You work for a company that has a “workaholic’ culture.  Most consulting and banking firms are like this.  I think you know if your company is like this.
  • You work for a boss that values face time way too much – someone who probably thinks if he had to be a workaholic to get ahead, you better be as well. Otherwise, you are just not dedicated enough.  Sound familiar?
  • You work on a team where other members emphasize face time – a friend was dinged on his review because someone he works with told his boss that he is taking many calls outside his cubicle.  They failed to mention that he is always the first to arrive in the morning and the last to leave and is delivering results where others can’t.  Unfortunately the boss was not wise enough to see through the biased feedback.

So what do you do?  Well, ultimately, you should find a job in a company that truly values your skills and results over face time and quit this one.  However, since the economy and job market is bad right now and quitting is not a practical option.  Then perhaps pretending to work  at times can help you maintain the hard work image that the company/boss demands and also give you more family time. ...  read more

Ignore What-ifs, Just Do it

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It is hard work to look for a job or to take our careers to the next level.  Often we have to learn new skills and conquer new challenges in order to make progress.   This is much easier said than done.  We are all creatures of comfort and doing anything new can often invoke confusion or self-doubt. ...  read more

Because Women Are Not Pushy Enough

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How’s that for a controversial title.  Well, this sentence was the summarized punchline on a recent Forbes article a friend sent me titled “Why Men Don’t Promote Women More.”

While this article was very much in your face and seems initially almost offensive.  I have to say that I agree with most of the concepts it states ...  read more

Enjoy the Present

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While winter holiday is almost over and I can just see everyone starting to worry about what will happen this year with either their job search or career, I say STOP.  There are still a few more days left before Monday January 4 (when work begins again).

For now, put any worries you may have aside and just allow yourself to still enjoy the moments of this holiday season with friends and loved ones.  As I celebrate new years tonight, I realize how fast time seems to fly by as we get older.  Year 2000 seemed like just awhile ago.  Since then, many career changes have happened for me and they will continue to change, I am sure.  What have been the most precious for me, however, are the life changes that have happened this past decade and those precious moments I have shared outside of work with friends and loved ones.

So I say, enjoy the moment.  Practice no worrying about the past or the future for the next 3 days and perhaps longer.  I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies “Kung Fu Panda” – Yesterday is history; tomorrow is a mystery; Today is a gift.  That is why it’s called the present.  ...  read more