Happy New Year! Everyone wants to forget 2020; however I think it’s a year to remember. This has been the most memorable year in almost a century. Despite all the difficulties, I feel fortunate to have my family, health, and a better appreciation for the simple things in life.
While we all hope 2021 will be a better year, it is still unclear how long we will be in our current state or if we would ever go back to the way we were prior to March 2020. While I miss seeing my parents in person, traveling, and gathering with friends, I also gained much more time with my family and loved living a much simpler life with my husband and kids.
2020 was also a year of big changes for me. I moved to a bigger place after 15 years. I also switched companies after 12 years of being there. It took me 2 months to decide to leave and another 10 weeks to make it happen. While the transition was smooth, it was not all roses. Here were the three tough lessons I learned in the latter part of 2020.
Lesson 1: It’s Okay to Leave a Good Team
In the job I left 4 months ago, I had one of the best teams I have ever had in my career. I built the team from scratch and had 14 team members by the time I left. It was bittersweet. I loved my team and they loved me. We learned a lot together, we delivered high quality products, we looked out for each other, and we had fun.
Why did I leave then, you may ask? I agonized about this for two months. I knew I would be heart broken as would they if I left. In the end though, I knew I couldn’t stay. Having a good team was not enough, as everything else about my job was becoming a grind.
- My leadership was changing and it wasn’t going to be good. I didn’t want to work for the new leader.
- The company overall was going through massive turmoil. Many partners were distracted from work or were playing tons of politics
- I stopped learning what I wanted to learn in my career. My job became more about playing politics and dealing with lots of partner issues.
- I could foresee exactly what I would be doing in the next 2 – 3 years. That’s not a good thing.
It was an emotional goodbye with my team, but I don’t regret it. I know I will work with some again as many stayed friends with me. I was honored to be their leader and coach. That didn’t change even though I left. I look forward to the day where I can work with them again in a much better work environment.
Lesson 2: A Job That Sounds Good May Not Be
I also got my dream job or I thought. My current company has a great reputation in their niche and is the 800 pound gorilla. My job sounded so cool – to build out the digital experience for an entire business unit. What I learned since joining however is that people lied about the nature of the job.
- My business unit was supposed to be top 5 CEO priority. When I got there, I found out its actually “last priority.”
- I was supposed to have “autonomy and authority” to build a team and build world class digital experience. The reality however is even my manager has limited power and autonomy. The Product group is actually more known for its “command and control” culture.
- My company’s number 1 core value is Empathy. However, I witnessed more pretension of empathy from leadership.
Of course, no new job is ever the same as the job description. I didn’t expect it to be perfect. Do I regret joining? Actually No. I needed to leave the last job and this company has a strong brand and lots of growth opportuntites. Just because it’s not turning out as promising is actually helping me pose larger career questions to myself
- Should I still work in banking?
- Now that I am financially well off, what kind of work would really get me up in the morning?
- Should I take a shot in a true start up?
I wouldn’t be asking these questions if my new job was everything I thought it would be. I believe everything happens for a reason. The unexpected truth about my job is a necessary journey I need to take to explore what I really should be doing with my talents. I don’t have answers yet, but I am looking forward to finding them in 2021. I will keep you posted.
Lesson 3: I Put Too Much Pressure On Myself to Achieve
I have been extra stressed the last two months of 2020. Besides Covid 19 and the election, I was also looking to move apartments and trying to achieve in my new imperfect job. I couldn’t stop thinking about work or the house move. It was leading me to sleep poorly and waking up with headaches. I noticed my brain was constantly calculating all the variables I couldn’t control and trying to come up with ways to deal with them before they happened.
It sounds insane as I write this. I was driven by the need to control the outcomes and achieve – win at work even though the odds were against me and be approved for the new apartment even though the complex really didn’t want any of the existing tenants applying.
I spoke with my husband during this time. He always brings a fresh perspective. What he said floored me. He said “Lei, why do you torture yourself so much? It’s okay if we don’t get the new apartment. I also don’t think anyone at work is saying you are not good enough. Why do you put so much pressure on myself?” My gut answer was “Because I expect it.. because my father used to expect it and his voice is now my voice in my head constantly judging if I am achieving or not. ”
It’s hard to face this. Yet the new job triggered my old insecurities of “am I good enough?” My husband said “I wish my voice can replace that of your father. You are brilliant. Just relax. You no longer need to prove anything. You are already successful.” I told him I wish his voice could too replace my old habits of being too hard on myself.
Have I learned how to? Not yet, but at least I am now noticing it happening and asking myself why. That’s a start. I look forward to figuring this out in 2021. I may not have all the answers but I am encouraged by the fact that I am asking myself these questions. It’s my chance to evolve further and also find more peace with myself. I will keep you posted on my progress. Best wishes to you in 2021. May you learn, evolve, and live life to the fullest.
Your Comments: What lessons did you learn in 2020? Does any of my lessons resonate with you? I look forward to your comments
Your comments: Do you have an inner voice that tells you that you are not enough? Do you where it comes from and how to ignore it? I look forward to hearing from you.
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Lei
Lei