Active Listening Skills – 4 Tips to Practice

active-listening-skillsDeveloping active listening skills is essential to improving your communication skills. How often do you find yourself zoning out or thinking about what to say next during a conversation, instead of listening? If you are anything like me, then the answer is probably everyday, even if it’s just for a few seconds.

This is a normal human behavior, as we have active minds. It’s also the challenge that keeps us from practicing great listening skills.  Active listening skills are the foundations for effective communication.  The challenge is practicing active listening skills in every important conversation.

Well, let’s start with the two key goals of active listening:

  • Make sure you understand the content, nuance, and intentions of what the other person is saying.
  • Make sure the other person perceives that you are listening to him or her.

Do you agree with these goals? If so, then active listening is more than just using our ears — we have to be present, we have to process what we heard to make sure we understood it, and we have to let the other person know that we heard them. Here are 4 tips on practicing and improving your active listening skills — today!

Tip #1 Be Confident and Present in the Conversation — Often times, we don’t listen well, not because we don’t want to, but because we are too busy trying to figure out what to say next, and we’re worrying about having something valuable to say. This is due to lack of confidence in ourselves, and a failure to be present with the speaker. When we worry about what to say next, we naturally won’t hear everything the other person is saying, and we’ll fill in the blanks with our own assumptions. This often happens in job interviews — we are so nervous about how to say why we are qualified that we don’t listen, and therefore don’t answer the question that was asked into interview. Obviously, this is counter-productive.

Practice: Do not think about what to say next while you are listening. Think about what you want to say next after the other person has finished speaking. Brief silence is okay in a conversation. You can also say “that’s a great question” to buy time. Also, don’t interrupt the person while they are speaking — that is a sure sign that you are not listening well.

Tip #2: Paraphrase What You Heard — Just because we are listening, doesn’t mean we can assume that we heard the other person correctly. This is where paraphrasing is important. Paraphrasing is repeating back in our own words (not verbatim) what the person said. Repeating what they said in our own words will demonstrate that we heard them, processed what they said, and are taking some time to make sure we are on the same page before moving forward.

Practice:  After the person has finished talking, you can say something like “If i understood you correctly, you are asking me x y z. Is that right?…Let me see if I understood this correctly — are you saying x y z?” Wait for the person to nod or correct you before answering the question, or making comments about the statement. 

Tip #3: Ask Specific Questions to ClarifyAnother way to make sure we heard correctly and show we are listening is to ask specific questions when something we heard is unclear.  This is not about saying ” I didn’t hear you.  Can you repeat that?”  No one wants to repeat everything they just said.  Instead, we want to paraphrase what we did understand, and then ask a question about what we didn’t understand.  It’s always better to ask questions than to assume that we know what they’re talking about.

Practice:  Do not pretend to understand something when you don’t.  You may think you are saving face or looking smart, but you won’t seem so smart in the long run.  Instead, ask the person to clarify the part you didn’t get, after they are done speaking.

Tip #4: Show Non-Verbal Active Listening — Lastly, listening is also about sending the right non-verbal cues.  People react to non-verbal cues as much as words.   If we are leaning back, looking at the ceiling, but listening intently, the person still may not feel heard.  We have to align our non-verbal cues to show that we are actively listening.

Practice:  Lean slightly forward or sit in a neutral position when listening. Look interested. Don’t have your hands folded in front of your chest (even if the person you are speaking with is) – Keep your hands by your side or on the table.  Make eye contact appropriately as you listen.  Nod your head at times as you listen.

The above concepts are easy to understand.  The challenge is remembering to practice them in every important conversation.  Make a little note for yourself with these 4 tips, and look at them as a reminder before going into a conversation.  It’s worth the effort, though — it is only when you are really listening to the other person can you hope to be heard.

Your comments:  What is the biggest challenge you face in improving your active listening skills? Any there any other active listening tips you want to add?  Add your comments below and let’s have a discussion.

Like this article? Then help me out and share it on Linkedin, Email, Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc.

I am always in your corner.

– Lei

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David
26 days ago

The most difficult one is when we are thinking about what we are going to say , at that moment we are not listening.Asking good questions is an excellent way to show we are really listening. Thanks for all the advice.

Dzintars
1 month ago

Thank you for good tips to improve listening skills: I was going thought lot of trainings for communication and always the important thing is to listen. I am quiet person and can listen and listen :D. And then starts second problem: 1. If I am very quiet around people – it starts to be weird and if two or more quiet persons (in North side countries it is normal) then it is also weird. :D. And from this my opinion is that important is to start active conversation with little bit more on me concentrated speaking and then earn trust… Read more »

PABLO MARTINEZ JIMENEZ
3 years ago

Good tips to improve listening

Cheryl Camargo
4 years ago

It Hard to Listen sometimes. I use move my body a lot to keep concéntrate on the speaker topic.

Eduardo Z.
4 years ago

It also affects that the interventions are precise and concise, in order to avoid monologues.

T.C
4 years ago

Great tips about active listening skills.obviously it is very important that all the people who work in a team can apply these tips and improve our skills. thanks for sharing the article.

Patricio Herrera
4 years ago

It is very typical to see in a meeting people who are sending messages or talking with other person; even there are persons standing frequently; so you realize there are not concentration or the speaker is no good for interesting the other people.
It is important all these tips for apply in a meeting.

Moira María Martino Camaño
4 years ago

This article is an important complement to apply today, for non-native English speakers. It is time to use it for our own benefit.

Francisca Reinoso
4 years ago

I think the biggest challenge for me is make eye contact because sometimes I get shy so easily.
Other tips: not seeing the time on your watch, not seeing the cell phone.

Thank you for the tips.

Jenny Sainz
4 years ago

I guess the key to an effective listening is changing the way we focus it. Instead of giving someone the chance to speak, let’s think as if we were giving ourselves the chance to learn. Words are really powerful and full of intention. We don’t always realize that the way an individual speaks to us is also generated by our own behavior. If a topic or a conversation seems to be boring, it also depends on the listener to change it, if there’s feedback and interaction the conversation could be enriched and turn out to be a really enjoyable chat.

Diana villares
4 years ago

Sometimes, if you speak other lenguage it is so dificult to hear everything, manytimes you lose in one word, trying to understand

Patricio Herrera
4 years ago
Reply to  Diana villares

Yes, when you are in an important conference, is impossible ask to the speaker “please, repeat”…

Darinka Roldán
4 years ago

The biggest chanllenge for me is to think about the words I will say next. Most of the time I zone out when talking to someone and although I try to disguise it, it has happened to me that someone asks me something important and I just say “Yes”, without listening properly. It kind of embarrasing.

Now, I would like to know what is the difference between “to listen” and “to hear”.

Thanks.

Myo Thwe
4 years ago

the biggest challenge for me is thinking about what I want to say next after the other person has finished speaking. I have to wait to the end of speaking.

4 years ago

Simple principles, but powerful ones to be effective… i actually learned that this crazy war in my head in every important conversation it is not only me… but it is more common that i thought. i have a better idea about what things i need to keep on mind in every important conversation… Actually the biggest challenge to improve my effective communication is TO BE AWARE… Goshh… it is almost impossible to be aware of my own mistakes… maybe to slow down will help… hehehe… i could add… just to be relaxed, keep breathing and enjoy the ride! Thanks so… Read more »

Makarenna Soledad
4 years ago

I like to be looked in the eyes when I have a conversation.
I also use my hands and body language a lot in conversations.

Darinka Roldán
4 years ago

Hey Makarenna,

Why is that? My mother gets angry when she talks to me and I do not look at her eyes. I know it’s important to make eye contact when talking to people, in fact, it shows respect for the one who is talking, but sometimes I am doing something important and I perfectly listen to what the other person is saying. And in my case, I don’t care whether people look at me when I’m speaking. But some people get really angry.
I’d like to know what you think about it.

Joa
4 years ago

i thought that i was the only person with inconfortable conversations because i didn’t know what to say.

Carlos Bellido
4 years ago

Great tips to keep in mind when having a conversation. Personally my challenge is not to think in what I am going to say and obviously lose some attention on person speaking.

Claudio
4 years ago

First congratulation. Great article. So, I think the biggest challenge To me is when I talk with other people and I am thinking before he or her finish in other matter. In fact, I am a little desconcentrated. Often times I must correct me into my mind to keep me hearding as well as I must.

4 years ago

Really appreciate this content of the article and how you gave practice which gives clear understanding.

For me biggest challenge comes when don’t understand technical jargon’s.

4 years ago

The biggest challenge I face in improving my active listening skills is to follow what the person says when that person is not a good communicator also – to have patience and to do not interrupt.
 

Last edited 4 years ago by Angela Stroici
5 years ago

Great tips!

My struggle is that I have a lack of patience, therefore, I always want to add something right away.

Aman Dhillon
6 years ago

I have always found that if an employee will listen better and show interest if they are mentally prepared and excited about the topic. It is all about how to create interest and keep the interest going by keeping them engaged throughout the conversation.

Brian Flores Parker
7 years ago

The biggest challenge i faced improving my active listening, was actually just when a boss or a authoritarian person start to talk, because they are the boss right, but has you write on the page, i understand that one of the more important stuff is to listen what are we talking about and don’t just assume that the other person understood what you said.
i Could add as fifth tip: Never miss the point of the conversation: its very important dont lose the main of the meeting because people is really good just changing the topic.

Valarie Daniels
7 years ago

I understand and comprehended all your advice. I clearly agree the process of actively listening, and would appreciate any thing the manager has to say whether it be positive or negative. Just like you said you never know it could be a “promotion,” it could be advice which can elevate you while you are trying to move forward in your profession or career, even if he just wants to chat this can build a personal as well as professional relationship with your superior. I also, feel that it definitely showing good sign of respect by listening. After all everyone needs… Read more »

Jonathan García
7 years ago

Hi! I came to this website because it is included on the study resources of an English course that I’m taking on Coursera. I like this article and, to answer your questions, I think one of my biggest challenge on active listening was to really understand what some people want to say. I mean, sometimes I tried to understand what I heard and later paraphrase it but after this the person said something like “no, it was not what I said” even I’m sure it was. We continue talking and then I discover that I was right but the person… Read more »

Jonathan García
7 years ago
Reply to  Lei Han

Lei thank you for your reply. I’ve read your words twice and I realized how important is what you wrote about to use different words to describe something. As you wrote, perhaps we are right and this is only about the words we use to say it nd for that is neccesary to use active listening skills. Maybe we are thinking about complex things all the time and because of many things, we can’t realize what is behind our communication and this could lead a misunderstanding. Thank you very much for your words.

Kyle Macpherson
10 years ago

What do you do when you are trying these tips but dealing with a poor communicator? For example, someone who is providing a great amount of detail on their decision process, or over explaining why they are asking you to accomplish a certain task. I have run into this so many times in the work-place. A supervisor comes to me with a request and instead of stopping there, they continue on into this maelstrom of causation.

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