Hubby gave me a funny present for my birthday this year (see below). He knows me well and it’s exactly what I needed. I really cannot believe I am half a century old. When I say I am 50 to others, I feel like I am talking about someone else. I always thought that someone who is 50 years old is old and also have their sh*t together because they know how life works by this time.
Well, I can tell you it’s not true. First of all, I don’t feel old, which is great. Secondly, I haven’t figured everything out. In fact, I am still confused about a lot of things in life.
- How to better support my aging parents?
- How to become a better parent to two soon-to-be teenage girls?
- How to manage my stress and be less impacted by work politics or incompetent colleagues?
- How long do I still need to work? & When can I have “vocational freedom”?
- How to just be happy and content with today?
Hubby’s Birthday Present to Me
My husband knew this birthday hit me a bit harder than most. In most years it’s just another day. There is always fireworks since I was born on July 4th, but otherwise, I like my birthday fairly mellow.
This year, he hosted a nice BBQ in our backyard and gave me these decision dice to help with my future decision making :-). He knew I have been stressed about my parents, my work, my kids, and our life. He wrote in his card to me that by turning 50, I have earned the right to not give a “f*ck.” :-). I just laughed.
Why Not Giving a F*ck is Healthy
While the dice is more of a joke, I realized how right he is. I have cared too much about a lot of things all my life, especially in my work. While I have gotten better over the years, I still let incompetent leaders and colleagues get to me. I also still get sucked up emotionally into the political drama that I know will always exist in the corporate world.
The key to living a good life is not giving a fuck about more things, but rather, giving a fuck only about the things that align with your personal values.
Not giving a fuck is not about being indifferent. It just means you’re comfortable with being different. Don’t say fuck it to everything in life, just to the unimportant things.
Mark Mason – The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
How do I Let Go and Live a Better Life?
Hubby thought of that too and send me this link written by James Clear that summarizes Mark Mason’s book on the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”. Who has time to read the full book, right? This summary is a great start. Here are some of my key learnings
#1 Acceptance is the key to my happiness
The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience. Accepting your experience of life as being great and wonderful is the single greatest thing you can do for your happiness.
#2 True happiness comes from spending time solving the problem I care about. I always thought I would be happier if I have no more problem to solve in my life. What a misconception! Here is why.
When a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some. True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving. Happiness is wanting the problems you have and wanting to solve them.
#3. Ask myself what pain I want instead – I have not thought of this perspective. Life is bound to have pain. What pain is worth suffering through to achieve what I want?
Don’t ask yourself what you want out of life. It’s easy to want success and fame and happiness and great sex. Everybody wants those things. A much more interesting question to ask yourself is, “What kind of pain do I want?” What you are willing to struggle for is a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.
#4. When I can choose, then I am happy.
When we feel that we’re choosing our problems, we feel empowered. When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.
#5. I am the biggest source of my unhappiness. I like to control the outcome. I expect myself to be a certain way. I also expect things to turn our a certain way. As a result, I sacrifice my peace of mind. I need to learn to be flexible and get out of my own way to feeling good about life.
If it feels like it’s you versus the world, chances are it’s really just you versus yourself.
Manson’s idea of “kill yourself” is similar to Paul Graham’s idea of “keep your identity small.” The central point is that if you don’t have an identity to protect, then change becomes much easier.
What Does This All Mean?
One reasons I wrote this is to tell you – don’t wish to grow up too fast. If you are younger than me, enjoy your current challenges in life no matter how tough. Perhaps you can learn the art of not giving a f*ck a bit sooner than me and be happier at the same time. I am here to show you life doesn’t get any easier just because I am older, more experienced, and perhaps a bit more financially secure. New problems emerge at every age. The sooner we can appreciate the NOW, the sooner we can live a good life starting from today.
As for me, I am excited to evolve further into my new flexible self. Turning 50 is the beginning of the lighter, happier me. While my life’s challenges will remain, I can choose my battles and only give a “f*ck” on things that matters. Easier said than done. This means I need to choose a different reaction to most situations that used to stress me.
Can I do it? Why not? If turning 50 means I am both older and wiser, at least I want to be wiser – appreciate who I am, appreciate my life as they are now, accept my imperfect job, and dance my way into my 50s. After all, there is beauty and grace at every age. I plan to keep growing until the day I die.
There is a fountain of youth: It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly defeated age
Your comments: Have you already learned the art of not giving a f*ck? If so, any tips for me? if not, why not?
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