How to guides

7 Steps to Effective Interpersonal Communication

by
improve interpersonal communication

Anyone can master interpersonal communication.  There are few people who are naturally good at it. For most people, it takes conscious effort and practice to master this skill. Here are 7 steps to achieve effective interpersonal communication at work — today!

  1. Start with self awareness – Do you know how well you communicate right now? What works and what doesn’t? If you don’t know, gather feedback so you can know your strengths and weaknesses. Use the rest of this list to help with your self-assessment.
  2. Always keep the other person in mind–  For any instance of interpersonal communication, plan out your approach ahead of time. Start with the other person in mind — Try your best to put yourself in their shoes and figure out what might be their mindset, sensitivities, and how they may receive your words. Effective interpersonal communication can only happen if you understand where the other person may stand.
  3. Determine your desired “win-win” outcome:  The outcome of any conversation must be a “win-win,” as not all outcomes you desire are good for the relationship. For example, you may want to prove that you are right, but that would mean the other person needs to be proven wrong. You may win the argument, but lose the relationship. That’s not a good outcome.
  4. Gather the facts:  While facts can’t be the only focus of your conversation, you need the facts to keep the discussion as unbiased as possible. It’s hard to resolve anything if all you have is “he said she said.”
  5. Practice a calm approach/tone:  This will require the most time, especially if you are emotional about the situation. You need to calm down first, and then communicate with an open tone. This requires time, since our instinctive reaction is to take a defensive or offensive tone. An open tone can be one that gives the benefit of the doubt, or focuses on “we” instead of “you vs. me.” Your openness and calmness will invite the other people to listen, and your tone will show that you are there to build the relationship.
  6. Listen as much as you speak:  Effective interpersonal communication is a two way street.  You should spend 50% of the conversation listening. We are sometimes prepared so much that all we focus on is talking. You can lose the listener quickly that way. Pause after a few sentences so the other party can respond. That way you can adapt your communication based on how they react. Sometimes it takes fewer words than you think to achieve the “win-win” outcome.
  7. Don’t expect anything: We cannot control or change anyone else. This is an easy concept that is easy to forget. After all this work we put into structuring an interpersonal communication, there is no guarantee about how the other person will react. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. All you can do is play your part the best you can, accept whatever you get, and adapt your actions from there.
At the end of the day, the key to effective interpersonal communication comes down to practice. We interact with people every day. Some interactions can go well, while others may not. That’s part of the process. As long as you put conscious effort into improving, you will become effective at interpersonal communication over time. For more on this topic, and how to improve your communication skills at work, sign up for my Career Success Newsletter – How to Succeed Like an Executive, where you’ll find insights not published on this blog to accelerate your success. Email Address

 ...  read more

What is Interpersonal Communication – Definition and 3 Myths

by

Effective interpersonal communication at work is essential to your career success. Yet it’s often not clearly understood nor easy to improve. After researching on Google regarding how others discuss interpersonal communication, I will offer my own perspective – a detailed definition of what is interpersonal communication and 3 most common myths about interpersonal communication. ...  read more

Making a Good First Impression – 5 Tips

by

My husband and I are addicted to this Smart TV show on USA – Suits.  It’s about two lawyers – Harvey, a hot-shot,  young Senior Partner, at a prestigious law firm; and Michael, a “good will hunting” type, smart-mouthed Associate that Harvey just hired.  Michael has a photographic memory, but no official law degree or experience.   Harvey is tough on Michael, but is also grooming him for the fast track in the Law firm. ...  read more

Hard Skills vs. Soft Skills – Difference and Importance

by

Hard Skills vs. Soft Skills – What’s the difference and is one more important than the other to your career success?  In my recent articles – What are Soft Skills and List of 28 Soft Skills, I offered detailed definitions of soft skills.  Here I want to highlight three key differences between hard skills and soft skills and how their importance depends highly on the career you are in. ...  read more

Five Qualities of A Good Mentor

by

We all need good mentors to help guide us in our career and life, but not all mentors are created equal.  There are five qualities a good mentor should have:

  1. Someone you respect in the area you want mentorship on –  For example, if you want a mentor for achieving work life balance, then that mentor should have wisdom and experience in that area.
  2. Mutual rapport and respect –  Someone you can speak to honestly about your situations and ask questions; someone you respect, but someone who is inspired by your potential.  You can read more about this in my article “Mentorship Model – Mutual Mentorship or Pay it Forward”.
  3. Someone interested in helping others grow, and knows how to do it – Not all brilliant people know how to teach what they know, and the same is true for mentors. You need to find someone that is interested in helping others, and someone that will give you sound, objective advice.  This quality is especially critical for a mentor, as you will place a lot of trust in them.  You need to make sure he or she provides advice based on your best interests.
  4. Someone that is supportive, not controlling –A mentor is a guide, not someone that tells you what to do.    A mentor should challenge you to look at all aspects of a situation, and guide you to make your own decision.  A mentor is not someone who criticizes you for your mistakes.  You should find someone who can support and encourage you in your endeavor to develop your skills, even if you make mistakes along the way.
  5. Someone who is willing to be your mentor – you have to ask someone to be your mentor.  Great mentors are also busy people, and can only have the capacity to mentor a few people well.  See my article “How to Ask Someone to be Your Mentor” for specific dos and don’ts.

Once you make sure that this person has the four qualities above, then you can proactively build the relationship for them to be your mentor. Besides the above five qualities of a good mentor, I would also advise the following: ...  read more

Managing Interns: Tips and Advice

by

I saw a set of questions online about how to manage and mentor marketing interns.  As I used to manage and mentor lots of consultants including interns when I worked for Deloitte, I wanted to share my 2 cents.   The questions didn’t specify whether these were high school, college, or MBA interns, so I will assume these are college interns ...  read more

Office Politics – Should I leverage it to further my career?

by
leverage office politics

Early in my career, I have been burnt by office politics but not in the way you think.  I didn’t feel burnt because someone else sabotaged my job.  On the contrary, I concluded, I burnt myself because I didn’t understand or appreciate office politics and the importance of using it fairly and skillfully to protect and build my career advantage. ...  read more