Soft Skills - Ask a Wharton MBA
Develop Soft Skills – Work Smart & Live More
I was agonizing about what to do for weeks. I have dealt with incompetent co-workers before. Most of the time, I can make up for their incompetence fairly easily or at least work around it and not be affected. Not this time. This time, this colleague is a key partner to my work. If she or her team is not doing their job to the highest quality, neither I nor my team nor my program can be successful. ...
85% of workers worldwide admit to hating their jobs when surveyed anonymously, according to a Gallup poll released in late 2017. Yet, many of us tend to stay in our jobs and careers, thinking it’s too late to make a change. I am here to tell you – it’s never too late! Dare to be happy and bold. You can change your career at any age.
Here to inspire us on this topic is our newest Executive Author – Stephanie Hellman. Stephanie is an inspiring, authentic leader with 20+ years of experience working for Fortune 50 companies, including Wells Fargo, Citibank, and American Express. In late 2017, she made a courageous decision to leave her corporate career to find fulfillment and a more meaningful way to contribute to this world. Her stories are an inspiration to me and I think will be to us all.
I am pleased to share my first interview with Stephanie on
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My friend shared this quote with me over lunch today. I love its simplicity. “Your current situation is someone’s dream!” What a great reminder to be grateful.
I don’t know about you. I think it’s almost a national pass time to focus on looking up and comparing ourselves to someone who has a bigger house, more luxurious car, or more skills etc… This is especially true for us over-achievers who are trained to look for where we are still lacking – what is it that we are still not good at?
We are therefore trained to be unhappy as we will never be good enough compared with someone who seems to have more (insert all the ways we can measure). America, being one of the richest country in the world, is only ranked #13 in happiness. New York city is the #1 most unhappy city in the US. Can you believe it?
I can. Why? the more we achieve, the more we see where we lack and therefore feel like we are still not there. Newsflash, with this line of thinking, we will never get THERE, wherever there is. There is always going to be someone who make more, who look thinner, who is younger and seems more accomplished.
Happiness is about stopping all comparisons that don’t serve us. It’s instead about
This can be true no matter what your situation is. For example
I can go on and on, but I think you get the point. We often have narrow perspectives of our situations. We often forget truly how blessed and lucky we are. The fact you are reading this, means you have internet. As of Dec 31, 2017, 3.6 Billion people in the world still don’t have access to Internet.
It’s natural not wanting to be in any of the above situations I described, but it’s also important to remember there are worse things in life than some of the bumps we may go through right now. Happiness and what action we take next depends completely on our perspective. Whatever is happening to you right now is happening regardless. It is up to you to decide how you want to interpret it. Why not choose to motivate yourself with a positive perspective on your situation. Ask yourself
You cannot change anything that has already happened. What you do have control over is your action and your attitude toward it.
At the end of day, success is not measured by the size of your bank account but by the positive impact you make to this world. When you remember to be grateful, you will also remember to give back to the world. That is ultimately what will help you be happy.
Your comment: What situation are you right now? Can you change your perspective on it and empower yourself in the process? I look forward to your comments
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When I was nominated for a leadership training at work, I was honored but skeptical I would learn anything substantial. I am glad however to be proven wrong. In the last five months, I have learned more about my leadership style and leadership brand than I had ever expected. Even better, I am already applying what I learned at work and seeing results. Here are the three unexpected leadership lessons I learned about how to become an extraordinary leader.
Lesson #1: Extraordinary leadership is about strengthening our strengths vs. fixing weaknesses
Growing up Asian, I always thought to become extraordinary I must eliminate all weaknesses – i.e. score 100 on tests, get all As, and be a perfectionist at work. In the last 20 years of work, I learned to stop being a perfectionist. However, I still heavily focus on learning what I am not good at as a leader and put a lot of energy into fixing those.
It was refreshing to learn at this training from Zenger Folkman that becoming an extraordinary leader is about strengthening my strengths vs fixing weaknesses. There is no perfect leader. Steve Jobs is a great example of this – a dynamic, visionary leader and a terrible people manager. The whole concept actually makes a lot of sense, as no one really can be good at every aspect of leadership. Just like a company must focus on its core strength vs trying to be all things to all people, a leader also needs to follow the same concept. It’s better for me to pick a few leadership qualities that I am already strong at and make that stand out above all else. That’s what will differentiate me as a leader.
This leadership lesson is quite freeing for me. I realized I don’t have to change who I am or overwhelmed myself with “fixing everything.” All I have to do is tweak a few things in my leadership style to make it even better. For example, I am already a high achiever and gets results wherever I work. I also collaborate well with teams and partners. What I need to tweak is my communication style in some difficult situations. I know how to do this in some circumstances but not all. Selecting this as something to focus on is both achievable and will make a significant difference in my leadership effectiveness
Lesson #2: It’s okay for an extraordinary leader to announce ourselves and show vulnerability
I learned this from one of the leadership speakers at our training. I really appreciated her direct communication style, confidence, and simple wisdom. She shared that it’s okay to announce yourself to your team and partners. For example,
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I hope you are taking some time to enjoy this holiday season with your friends and family. December is the best time to reflect on this entire year
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We all come across difficult coworkers. How we deal with them can fundamentally affect our career and happiness. Below is a real life situation from an avid reader around dealing with difficult co-workers. I am thankful she reached out so I can not only help her but also shared this situation and my advice with any of you in similar situations.
Dealing with difficult coworkers is a large topic as there are many different kinds of difficult coworkers. This particular situation focuses on two kinds of difficult people – A co-worker who is a “Dictator” and a manager who is a “Passive.”
From Sarah: I follow your blog and I love your advice. I have a problem at work and I would love your opinion. I have been in my job for a year and three months. I love what I do and I love my company. However, I have been butting heads lately with a co-worker and it is making my life miserable.
She is not my manager, but she tends to act like it. We both work with a vendor and she is insisting that I copy her on every email I send to them and be on every phone call, even though it is part of my job description to work directly with them. She and I have the same supervisor. She and I are obviously not at the same pay-grade, but as I said, she is not my manager and, in theory, I should not have to report to her. There are uncountable examples of frustrations that I have experienced with her, not the least of which is that she talks down to me in front of our other co-workers. It is also worth it to note that I’m not the only one she has problems with. Other, more experienced member of our team have essentially refused to work with her.
I have talked to our supervisor about this and she has done nothing of substance to fix the problem. So far, we have further clarified who has which role to play with the vendor, but it has not stopped the co-worker I have issues with from inserting herself into my day-to-day.
I am thinking about leaving my dream job because she doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. It has also made me realize that there isn’t that much room for advancement anyway. The next level up is essentially a Director, but I don’t want to stay Entry Level for too long. What should I do? If I leave, how can I do so without leaving a horrible impression? I have several exciting (read: complicated) projects that are open and there isn’t really anyone else in the office who can back up the projects. I don’t want to leave them high and dry on those projects, but I can’t take much more of this. I feel like I am at the end of my rope.
Sarah, if you are prepared to leave anyways, then there are three things to try in dealing with your difficult coworker and passive manager.
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I went to a seminar last month and heard this saying “Life is Always just Beginning” from a 82 year-old lecturer, Bill McKeown. I have been thinking about these 5 little words ever since. It has helped me re-frame my perspective on life and my inner dialogue.
Do you ever notice how much we speak to ourselves everyday in our own head?
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