Resilience

7 Unexpected Blessings from “Sheltering in Place”

by

How are you doing with “Sheltering in Place”?  It’s day 48 for our family. Believe or not, I am starting to like it. We have developed a mentality to be thankful for what we have and a routine that maximizes our social distancing and cleanliness

  • We still go out but not everyday – My kids have been unusually happy just to hang at home; My husband do most of the grocery shopping and I look forward to my run outside by the water as well as our weekly farmer’s market on Saturaday. Once in awhile, we bring our kids out to play soccer or frisbee at the park.
  • We don’t bring outside clothes indoors – We put everything we wear outside on our balcony includes dipping our shoe soles in bleach water. We clean everything we bring back from shopping with either bleach or food wash and put it all in our own containers
  • We meet all family and friends virtually or outside at a distance – We contemplated visiting our neighbors whose routines are even more stringent than ours. They politely refused, which is very understandable. We also decided for now, visiting others who have less stringent routines is just not worth the risk.

While I still worry about the threat of coronavirus and absolute chaos created by our own government leaders, I know the best I can do in Nov is to make sure everyone we know votes and for now just live a simple and content day to day life. I practice gratefulness everyday both in my mind as well as when I speak to my family and friends. I discovered 7 unexpected blessings from “sheltering in place” ...  read more

A New Reality Created by the Threat of Coronavirus – 7 Tips on How to Cope

by

Another week has gone by in this new reality – First the Bay Area and then the entire state of California is told to “Shelter in Place.” I breathe a small sign of relief – finally we are deciding to act before the numbers get bad. While there is no cure for this novel (aka new) Coronavirus, we can now perhaps buy enough time  ...  read more

Aim Low and Get Somewhere – Aiming to Write the Crappiest Article Ever Written :-)

by

This video clip motivated me to write and finish this article.   It is from a Netflix movie I just watched called “Set it up.”  While the movie is so-so, this 1 min clip is funny, practical, and inspiring.  It helped me get over the writer’s block I have had for a month.  More importantly, it will help you get unstuck if you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

I have had trouble finishing any articles in the last month.   Partly it’s because work has been all consuming, and partly it’s because I have been putting too much pressure on myself to write the perfect article.   I have rewritten the intro to a few articles for a few weeks now.   Every week I didn’t publish something just made me pressure myself more to make sure the article I finish is extra insightful and helpful.   I was literally over-analyzing every sentence.

I realized now that I was trying too hard to please when in fact the reason I started writing this blog was because it is therapeutic.  The reason these articles may help you is because my stories are like yours – fulls of up and downs – mistakes and learnings.  

It is exhausting to try to perfect anything.  it is never an inspiring goal and actually makes everything we try to do feel like WORK we never want to do.   This blog is not supposed to be work for me.  It is supposed to heal me and perhaps you if you can relate.  So the timing of this movie clip was perfect for me.

Once you see this 1 min clip – you will understand the title of this post.    Here is some context.

  • Harper, the one crying in the clip, wants to become a sports journalist.
  • She has been working day and night for 3 years as an executive assistant for Kirsten, the most accomplished sports writer in the industry.
  • Harper wants Kirsten to help her with her writing but Harper hasn’t written a single article since she started work there.
  • Now that she has time, she still cannot finish her first article
  • Becka in the clip is Harper’s best friend who gives her some very sound advice to get Harper unstuck.

    •  ...  read more

    Are You Happy? A New Path to Happiness

    by

    are you happy

    Last weekend, my hubby suddenly asked me “Are you happy?”  I didn’t know what to say, even after thinking about it.

    I asked him, “What do you mean? Are you talking about work?  Life?  Us?”

    He said, “No, just in general.”

    I asked, “Are you happy?”, still not knowing what to say.

    He said, “Yes.”

    Not understanding his answer, I asked, “But you seemed stressed about your new job.  Weren’t you stressed about the whole job search process?”

    He said, “That’s true, but that doesn’t mean I was or am unhappy.  I think of myself as a happy person.  Yes, I go through these things, like everybody else, but they don’t affect my happiness.”

    I was floored by his answer. I couldn’t figure out what to say.

    My Happiness Test

    I’ve realized that my happiness is based on getting what I want.  That means I am doomed to be unhappy; my happiness can be ruined by something as simple as…

  • Business partners failing to appreciate my work.
  • Not getting the recognition or promotion I wanted.
  • Failing to get approval for new strategies.

    •  ...  read more

    In a Tough Situation? 3 Pop Songs to Inspire You

    by

    inspirational songs

    Do you ever notice that kids can learn pop songs overnight?   Luckily my kids are gravitating toward the inspirational ones rather than the racy ones.  They have been singing 3 songs on the top of their lungs for the last few months.  Coincidentally, these 3 songs are exactly what I needed to hear.

    Work has been tough this year.  It’s not so much the actual work content but there has been lots of difficult situations, personalities, or unexpected politics.   With all the things I write on this blog, you would think I can navigate anything by now.  It’s not true!  None of us are ever perfect and it’s okay.   Mastering any soft skills is a constant journey.   With every new company, new manager, or unexpected situation, my soft skills are tested anew.  Sometimes they work.  Other times I stumble and learn. 🙂

    In the last year, I have let someone else’s careless management style affect my self confidence. That’s where these 3 songs came in.  They remind me that I need to know my own value and fight back as needed.

    How much do you depend on external validation to feel good about your work?  I realized  I was depending on it way too much.  It’s odd as for the last 6 years of contracting, I didn’t cared much about what people thought about my work.  I KNEW I made a difference.  Being renewed by the same client 3 times in a row also served as enough validation that I was valued.

    Something changed when I started full time employment again.    I found myself in a surprisingly, critical culture and was unprepared.  Long story short, I started letting other people’s careless criticism affect my self-esteem and happiness.

    • I forgot to protect my inner strength and self confidence.
    • I forgot that I can be satisfied with my job as long as I think I am doing it well.  My standards are usually higher than any companies.
    • I forgot that at least 50% of managers don’t know how to motivate their teams and I shouldn’t rely on it or take it personally.
    • I forgot to not stress about things I cannot control and simply communicate to manage expectations
    • I forgot that I always have a choice to quit and go elsewhere.  I have developed enough transferable skills to be valuable in many jobs.

    Luckily, I reached the bottom about 4 months ago and realized it’s time to fight back and re-gain my “mojo.”  On May 19, I calmly quit and gave 6 weeks notice to ensure none of my projects were dropped abruptly.   To my surprise, I was immediately given 4 options instead of quit outright.  It was also the beginning of my mental and emotional recovery from near burnout.

    I know I digressed a bit but I wanted to share the context of why these songs meant so much to me in the last few months.

    First song is Fireworks – by Katy Perry.  It reminds me that we all have something beautiful to contribute to this world.  It reminds me that I can ignite my own fire even when I feel “already buried deep six feet under.”  There is always a chance to start anew.
    …
    Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
    Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?
    Do you ever feel already buried deep six feet under?
    Screams but no one seems to hear a thing
    Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
    ‘Cause there’s a spark in you? You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine
    Just own the night like the 4th of July’Cause, baby, you’re a firework
    Come on, show ’em what you’re worth
    Make ’em go, “Aah, aah, aah”
    As you shoot across the sky-y-y
    …
    Full Lyrics here

    Second Song is “Roar” also by Katy Perry:  My kids and I love this silly, creative, visually powerful video.  It’s entertaining and inspiring.  I think we overachievers in general let too many mediocre people in power affect our self-esteem needlessly.   It reminds me that

    • I have the power to stand up for myself
    • People are imperfect, insecure, and stressed.  They will hurt others when they are hurt themselves.
    • I don’t have to stand for all the passive aggressive comments.   I may not be perfect but I can make my own path and be my own champion.
    • Every situation is a chance to learn and grow

    Just imagine me singing these lyrics at the top of my lungs in my car.  It’s both funny and liberating 🙂

    …
    You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
    Get ready ’cause I’ve had enough
    I see it all, I see it now

    I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
    ‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
    Louder, louder than a lion
    ‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
    …
    Full lyrics here     ...  read more

    In a Tough Situation? Read this Poem and Ask Yourself 3 Questions

    by

    charles-swindoll-attitude

    I just randomly came across this poem by Charles Swindoll, called Attitude, posted on a store window.  I had to take a picture of it.  In a few short sentences he tells us the secret to achieving happiness.   No matter, what is happening in our lives and career,  we can always rely on our choice in attitude to shift our perspective. ...  read more

    3 Soft Skills We Can Learn from Madison Bumgarner

    by

    Madison Bumgarner

    On Oct 29, 2014, against all odds, the San Francisco Giants narrowly won Game 7 of the World Series against the Kansas City Royal by the score of 3 to 2.  I learned everything about baseball from my husband who is a diehard Giants fan.   Since meeting him 10 years ago, I have had much more appreciation for this game – all the strategy involved with the lineup, the pitching, and the catcher.

    On that Wednesday, like millions of people, my eyes were glued to the television as this 25 years old Madison Bumgarner “Mad Bum” walked to the mount in the 5th inning to defend our Giants’ narrow lead.  I didn’t even know who he was until this season.   He seemed so calm and focused as he pitched and as he waited in the bullpen when the Royals pitched.

    I don’t know enough about pitching techniques to comment on any of Bumgarner’s hard skills in pitching.  What I want to focus on is his soft skills – the strength of his inner game.    Many successful athletes and coaches have said “success is more than 50% mental.”  I absolutely believe it and would argue the same rule applies to work.

    Here are 3 soft skills we can all learn from Madison Bumgarner

    Lesson #1:  Stress Management – How to stay calm in the most stressful situation and still perform at your peak level.   After Giants won the World Series, Bumgarner was asked at the press conference, “What did you think about when you were walking that 300 feet from the bull pen to the mount in the 5th inning?”   He simply said, “I focused on thinking about getting outs like any other game.”  I don’t know about you but these simple words were profound.

    • He knew there were 50K+ Royal fans screaming at the game and millions watching at home.
    • He knew the entire World Series was riding on his ability to shut out runs
    • He knew he didn’t rest as long as he usually does since Game 5

    He didn’t think about any of those facts.  His soft skill was to focus purely on his pitching and be present to the game at hand like it’s any other game.   In another word, he didn’t waste any of his mind space psyching himself out or worry about what ifs like most people would.

    We can all learned a lot from Bumgarner.   Much of the stress we experience at work is self-inflicted.  We constantly worry about the future – what if I don’t present well in this next executive meeting?  What if I don’t get the funding for this project? What if …..?  All this worry about the future distracts our mind from the focus of our actual work.   So I say, “Ignore the what ifs and just focus on the work!” and everything will take care of itself.

    Lesson Learned #2:  Emotion Regulation – How to stay objective and focused on the game.  Giants were up 3 to 2.  He beat the Royals in Game 1 as the lead pitcher 7 to 1.  Bumgarner could have smiled or relished in that history.   The camera was zoomed in on Bumgarner in the bullpen several times between innings in Game 7 – before he started in the 5th inning and while he waited while the Royals pitched.   His face was blank the whole time and sometimes he just looked down.  There was no sign of joy, pride, anguish or worry.  He didn’t show any emotion at all.  Again, he was focused just on the work – pitching.

    I used to think emotions are simply a sign that you care about your job.  I am realizing more and more allowing emotions at work is an indulgence and a distraction.  I am sure Bumgarner is human and feels all the human emotions we feel, but what he is good at is keeping them at bay during the game, where objectivity and focus are paramount.   Let’s all learn from him and deal with any challenges with work with our best mind – the strategic mind, instead of the emotional one.

    Lesson Learned #3:  Resilience – How to stay un-phased by setbacks and keep performing at the same level.    In the bottom of the 9th inning of Game 7 with 2 outs, Blanco and Ishikawa fumbled the catch and the throw that allowed a Royal to run all the way to 3rd base.    The atmosphere was intense to say the least.

  • If another hit happens, the Royal could tie it
  • If a home run happens, the Royal could win it.
  • He has pitched 5 innings. We all wondered if he was getting tired.

    •  ...  read more